restlessly seeking recklessness

You are so good to me

2011-11-24T07:43:00.000-08:00

I feel like Thanksgiving so easily comes and goes each year without me really taking the time to step back and look at my life through the eyes of total gratitude. I easily get wrapped up in the feast and the family and the football, but sometimes the day will just pass without me ever really sitting in the purpose of it all. Sure, I will send out texts to friends and family about how thankful I am for them. Sure, I may think about how generally thankful I am for my blessings as I wake up to the smells of sweet potatoes and turkey being prepared in the kitchen. And sure, when we pray before the meal, I will think about how thankful I am for the wonderful family God has given me. But rarely do I take any sort of substantial time on this day to really look at how good the Lord has been to me.

This is my first year ever to not be home for Thanksgiving. As hard as it is to be away from my family in Texas, one thing that I decided I would do this year is take some time today to really look at my life and acknowledge the Lord's blessings and mercies...something I wish I did even more throughout the year, but something that I just refuse to overlook today. November 2010 - November 2011 has undoubtedly been the craziest year of my life...in so many ways. It has been a roller coaster beyond what I ever could have expected. And I feel like almost every day, my emotions will end up ranging from excitement to fear to frustration to sadness to peace at some point during the day. But today, I simply choose gratitude.

What am I most thankful for today?

Mel and Donna Carter - I didn't get to pick where I was born or what family I was born into. I didn't get to tell God, "8208 Joliet Ave. in Lubbock, TX please". But if He HAD allowed me to choose, I would have picked my mom and dad. It's so cliche, but so true, that the older I get, the more I am just blown away that God would gift me with the parents that He gave me - parents who raised me in the ways of Jesus, who showed me (didn't just tell me) that there is nothing more important than your walk with God, who have loved and supported a daughter whose life probably isn't looking exactly like what they might have imagined, a dad who has always made me feel like a beautiful daughter, a mom who has been so much more than a parent, but has been one of my best friends. Oh gosh, I could write a whole book about my mom and dad...
Melissa Carter - I really don't think I could possibly choose another female on the planet that I would rather have as my sister. My sister is different from me on so many levels, but that's what I think makes us perfect for each other. I just feel like everyone needs to know Melissa. She has been a source of laughter, encouragement and inspiration in ways that I know I'll never be able to express.
Jesus Family - I don't know if I've ever understood what relationships in Christ were meant to be more than I have through my Jesus Family here in Tennessee. These are my best friends in the world, the people who I can be with and just let down every guard and breathe, the people who make me laugh so hard that I physically hurt, the people who will listen to me and cry with me, who carry my burdens, who push me spiritually and call me out when I'm going the wrong way, the people for whom God has given me a love that I didn't actually know I could even have for other people. Oh, my heart is full when I think of my Jesus family.
The Minchew Family - (of course...part of my Jesus family...) I feel like the Minchews truly deserve their own bullet-point here...specifically at this point in my life :) Not only have they forever been my "Tennessee family" and not only are they the ones with whom I'm celebrating Thanksgiving this year, they have also so very graciously allowed me to live in their home during this time of transition in my life. But more than that, they have each individually been a source of so much encouragement and support over the past 6 years of my life, and are truly four of my dearest friends in the world.
The family at Harpeth Community Church - God led me to this family of believers almost as soon as I moved here, and these have been the people who have been my source of strength and support through life's post-college journey. I was blessed beyond words with the opportunity to minister to the youth at this church for six years - an experience that changed me forever and brought more joy into my life than I could have ever imagined.
My HCC small group - I had a Thanksgiving meal with my small group last week and on my way home, I just couldn't stop thinking about how thankful I was for those people in my life. God has given me friends who aren't just the greatest/funnest people to be around, but who also encourage and challenge me spiritually every week and who have been the most wonderful people to walk this journey with. Greatest friends I could ever hope for.
Hilary Boucher and Melanie Sutton - I have been meeting with these two women each week over the past couple of months, two women who have always been dear friends of mine, but who are now becoming partners in the gospel, sources of intense encouragement and inspiration on the darkest days, voices of truth when the lies are attacking, prayer warriors, and people with whom I have shared some of the hardest of tears but also some of the hardest of laughs. Sisters in Christ, just as I feel He desired it to be.
Proverbs 19:20 - I am so thankful that the Lord's purpose is always the one that prevails in my life, no matter what plans I may make. If my "plans" had come to fruition in my life, it would look quite different than it does now. But there is not an ounce of doubt in my mind that my life is more full of purpose and passion and joy and fulfillment because the Lord, in His mercy, took the reigns in my life and led me to people and places that I could NEVER have planned for.
Romans 8:28 - There has never been a time in my life when I could look back and say that God wasn't faithful in not only working things out, but working things out for my BEST. In some of the most frustrating and hurtful experiences, He was at work shaping me and moving me in a way that now when I look back on those experiences, I actually look at them with joy and thanksgiving. That can't be explained outside of Him. He is forever faithful.
Jeremiah 29:11 - As I mentioned, this has been one of the most insane years of my entire life...maybe the most insane one ever. And I will NEVER understand why, but in His grace, God has chosen to form in me a specific passion and has given me a vision for where my life is headed that I just don't deserve. He has been weaving things together and putting people in my path and is truly at work. Although the final picture is beyond unclear, I believe that the path is sure. And for whatever reason, He chooses to use me to work in His Kingdom, to be His hands and feet, to be a vessel of redemption and freedom and truth. This is a blessing that I couldn't feel more unworthy of, but for which I am overwhelmed with thankfulness.
Jesus - No words do this one more justice than...

In Christ alone my hope is found,

He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save:
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,

This is the power of Christ in me;

From life's first cry to final breath.

Jesus commands my destiny.

No power of hell, no scheme of man,

Can ever pluck me from His hand;

Till He returns or calls me home,

Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

"Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his goodness..."

Psalm 103:1-2

What is in your hand?

2011-09-22T12:25:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday night of this week, I went to Kairos, a weekly worship service held at a local church. The teacher this week spoke about the story of the call of Moses (in Exodus 4) when Moses is just trembling in fear and God says to him, "What is that in your hand?". M

oses says, "A staff." And God says, "Throw it on the ground." And when Moses throws his staff on the ground, it becomes a snake and Moses runs away from it in fear. But then God tells him to pick it back up, and when he does, it becomes a staff again. The teacher talked about how the staff represented Moses' work (a shepherd). The action of throwing it down was an act of obedience, but its becoming a snake also shows how our "work" has the ability to destroy us if we allow it. But God tells Moses to pick it up because God was about to use that staff for mighty purposes in the Kingdom. So the teacher asked us on Tuesday night, "What is that in your hand?" He told us to throw it down, and then reach over, and pick it back up. Because when we surrender our "jobs" into God's hand, He can use it for mighty purposes in the Kingdom. The staff looked the same after Moses picked it back up, but it wasn't the same. From then on, God used it even though Moses carried it.

When this teaching was over, I was stunned...because of what I had just experienced that day at my own workplace...

I have been employed for the past 7 years by a company in Franklin, TN that has treated me amazingly well. This company has continually been over-the-top understanding and flexible with me as I tried to balance it with my other job in youth ministry. However, it is no secret that the nature of this job is not my passion nor is it what I want to do for the rest of my life. And although I have been very thankful for this job and for how well I have been treated there, I cannot imagine how many times in the past 7 years I have said, "...but I really don't think I'm going to be there much longer...". And then a year later, I'm left saying, "oh my goodness, I'm still here".

I don't think I would have ever admitted it out loud, but there has always been something deep, deep down in my spirit telling me I wasn't done there. And I didn't even know what that meant. But for years, week in and week out, I have been talking to students about going into their schools and going into their jobs and bringing Jesus into those places, because that is their mission field. The problem was that I could never help but take a step back in my own life and look at my own workplace and ask what I was doing to bring Jesus into that place. I made up every excuse in the world. "Well, it's not a workplace that is conducive to relationship-building." "Well, even if I tried to get something together outside of office hours, no one would come." "Well, my real mission field is in youth ministry; I just have to go to this other place so that I can pay the bills." That last one was always the one that would randomly pop into my head and would produce immediate conviction. So what, I get to pick and choose when I want to shine for Christ? And if I do, I'm choosing to shine for Him when I'm working in my "ministry" job, but not in my "secular" job? Yeah...pretty lame...

This is why there has always been this tension in me, this thing in me saying that for seven years, I haven't really done anything for the Kingdom in that place. Sure I've encouraged people here and there, but I think I have always known that God had something more. And if I had left that job at any point in the past seven years, I think I would always have looked back and regretted not really ever making a mark for God in that place.

One of the things I've always dreamed about was having a women's devo or prayer time. Problem is, I never thought anyone would do it because it would require off-the-clock time...and it's like pulling teeth around there to get anyone to agree to that. So although for years, I've considered doing that, I have never once spoken it out loud to anyone.

So a couple of weeks ago, I am eating lunch with a couple of women from the office and they were just sharing about how hard life is and long-story-short, I end up asking them if they would come to a weekly womens' prayer time/devo if there was one happening at the office. Without hesitation, they said "yes!" (with much anticipation in their tone).

Fast forward a week, and there are five of us meeting about starting this thing. We decided to not make a big thing of it and just spread it via word-of-mouth. I'll be honest, I was worried that if any of the "higher-ups" found out about it, there could be some problems because of the distraction it could cause in the office. So we just told a few women and had no idea if anyone would show this week.

Fast forward to Tuesday of this week, our first "official" meeting, and 15 women show up. I was blown away. It was a really sweet time together and there were already tears flowing from some of their eyes...and we had barely gotten this thing started! Later that afternoon, I found out that one of the women had mentioned that we were doing this to the CEO and co-founder of our organization, and I immediately got nervous. But she said that he was so excited about it and told her that we would always have his support. Again...blown away. I e-mailed him that afternoon and just assured him that this would be completely off company time and also told him how thankful I was that we had his support (and threw in that I was praying God would put it on the hearts of some men to start the same thing...:).

I came in Wednesday morning with over 15 e-mails from other women in the office asking me to add them to the calendar invite for the weekly meeting and also had an e-mail reply back from the CEO:

"...it actually gave me chills when she told me. Absolutely have 100% support from me. It’s sad that the world forces us to be politically correct so that we would avoid any religious issues in the work place. I really don’t like that. You should also know that along with myself, you all will have the support from the rest of the Executive Team! We will be more intentional here b/c I truly feel that it is what He wants for us and for this company. "

I couldn't help but just stare at my computer screen in amazement. I was getting e-mails from women all day telling me that they have been wanting something like this at the office for a long time, how it was an answer to prayer, how desperate they were for something like this each week. And then at my daily team huddle that morning, one of the women in my team asked if we could start praying at the beginning of our huddles. So there we were, standing up in the middle of the office, praying as a team. It was almost surreal. God is on the move.

The reason I share this story is not, by any means, to give myself even the slightest pat on the back. If anything, this is somewhat of an embarrassing thing to admit, that for seven years, I had made up excuses about why I was spiritually "chained" there and couldn't really do anything for Jesus. And I truly don't one bit deserve to be part of what God is doing in that place right now. It is by His grace alone that I would have the chance to see and join Him as He moves on hearts and lives in that office.

No, the reason I say all of this is to just encourage you, no matter where you are or where you work, to not wait for seven years before you decide to make a mark for the Kingdom in your workplace, in your school, in your community. There are people who are desperate for it, hungry for it. Be bold and courageous. What is your staff? You have one. Throw it down, and then pick it back up, and see what God will do with it.

I Had a Dream...

2011-09-05T21:48:00.000-07:00

I really don’t dream much. Or if I do, I rarely wake up from them and I rarely remember them. Last night I had possibly the worst dream I’ve ever had in my life. It wasn’t like any other dream I can remember…it was vivid. It felt completely real. And it was really long. So there was never a point in it that I remember thinking, “This is a dream”. It was one of those dreams where when I woke up, I literally rejoiced in my bed upon the realization that it wasn’t real.

To get to my point, I have to share a little about the dream itself. Warning: this may be a tad graphic…sorry. I’ll spare you all the details, but basically I was in a big city and was taken by a gang (after watching them kill my dad) and most of the dream consisted of them taking me to different places and doing awful things to me...awful things…I won’t go into the specifics, but let’s just say that there were multiple times when I was begging them to just kill me.

Anyway, the POINT of me sharing this is that there was one part of the dream where they took me to a church and had me tied up. I can’t remember what they were actually doing to me, but I remember very clearly that there was a church service happening and they had me right in the middle of the sanctuary where everyone was meeting but nobody was paying an ounce of attention to me. I’m tied up and bleeding and crying out to everyone for help, but it was as if I was completely invisible. No one was even looking at me, much less attempting to rescue me.

And it wasn’t until I was describing the dream to some of my friends this morning that it all hit me.

I once heard Christine Caine (of the A21 Campaign) speak about the horrific things that are happening in the world around us today, but we just keep “playing church”. There are horrible things happening to innocent people today on our watch as the Body of Christ. And I would think that if these things were happening right in the middle of our church building, we would do something about them. But since it’s happening outside of our walls and in places where we can’t see them, it is easy for us to turn a blind eye.

I was reminded of our visit to the castle at Elmina in Ghana, West Africa, a few weeks ago. This castle is the biggest and oldest standing slave castle remaining in Africa. After touring the castle and hearing about the horrific acts of injustice that took place within those walls, we were taken to the top of the castle where there was a church. We were told that the church would actually meet there every week while right below them, people were getting raped, beaten, starving to death or dying from sickness because they were laying in their own waste. And the church would be only feet away from these people…just “playing church”.

It’s easy for us to look back on them and think, “How could the church know that this was happening right below them and not do something about it?! How could they just stand there knowing what was happening right under their noses???” But I wonder…what will future generations say about us?

"How could the church just stand by when they knew there were 925 million hungry people in the world? How could the church just stand by when they knew 27 million people in the world were held in slavery? How could the church just stand by with 143 million children living as orphans? How could the church just stand by while 1 million people were trafficked across international borders every year? How could they just keep playing church while they knew those things were happening?"

I am again brought back to what I said in my last post: it is the CHURCH that was not only called, but empowered, to set the captives free, heal the hurting, feed the hungry, BE THE HANDS AND FEET OF JESUS in this hurting and broken world. And it is only the church that has been given the authority to attack the gates of hell. Heaven help us if we choose to simply “play church” and forget the reason we’re on the planet!

So as horrific as that dream was last night, it was like God giving me this tiny little glimpse into what it must be like to be suffering and dying at the hands of another person, while the “hands and feet of Christ” turn a blind eye and just keep playing church. God, give us Your eyes so we can see!

Reflections on Ghana

2011-08-21T17:43:00.000-07:00

We landed in Nashville at 9:00 this morning, and there was a wide range of emotions going through me. Of course I was excited to sleep in my own bed tonight and was excited to eat a Blue Coast salad for lunch. I was excited to see friends. But more than anything, I still felt a heaviness in my heart, a sadness. I honestly wasn't ready to leave yet.

It may seem a little crazy that I would feel so attached to girls that I only spent 4 and a half days with, but it felt like we were just really starting to feel like sisters with the girls at Sweetwater at the very time we had to leave. As one of my teammates said, it felt like the first day was just getting to know each other; by second day we were feeling a little more comfortable with each other; by the third day we were friends, and by the fourth day we were family. And then we had to leave. I know we barely had time to scratch the surface of these girls' stories, but nevertheless, my heart was just bursting for them. They really dug themselves in deep.

I was thinking today about all that this trip meant to me, and I feel like I'm just barely getting started, but a few things that have come to my mind so far...

First of all, I have been encouraged to see that the teen girls ministry that God has placed so heavily on my heart is one that does, in fact, translate to other cultures. I was skeptically wondering whether or not the InsideOut / Girl Talk ministry would really "work" cross-culturally. And I was amazed by how much it did. As I mentioned on my first blog about the trip, we truly are all cut from the same cloth. Although the outside manifestations of it may look different from culture to culture, we are all struggling with the same lies and the same core questions. Truth is still truth and lies are still lies, whether you are in the U.S. or West Africa or China, for that matter... This was so encouraging to know, because it means that the message of InsideOut / Girl Talk is one that is important for teen girls in every culture and every pocket of the world to hear. And it works, because it is built on the Word of God and empowered by the Spirit of God...both of which stand the test of time and of culture.

Secondly, I learned that at the end of the day, Jesus is truly the only One who change hearts and changes lives. I will admit that coming in, I was also skeptical about the actual effectiveness of a home like Sweetwater house, being managed by Americans but run by Ghanaians. And I just can hardly believe what I discovered. These young girls are coming in with some deep-seated issues and pain and struggles. And after hearing some of their stories, it would be easy to think that there is little hope for them, that it will require more than what a "normal" person can give them to help them work through these issues. I myself have even said that I don't have the letters behind my name to be able to help these girls in the ways that they need.

However, God really opened my eyes this week to the truth that JESUS changes lives. Professional psychologists and counselors and doctors don't change hearts. Jesus does. The Spirit does. I saw this through the lives of the girls at the Sweetwater House. These girls are coming in as broken, abandoned, sad, hopeless little girls and after only being in the home for a year are now vibrant, strong, passionate, FUN, young women who have a heart for the Lord. And this is happening with not one psychologist or professional counselor on staff. There is ZERO explaining it outside of Jesus, the Word of God, and the Holy Spirit changing lives.

And WE, the church, have been given this Spirit. We have been given this empowerment. Not the government. Not rehab facilities. But the church itself. Jesus empowered His church to complete the mission of reaching a hurting world. As Nancy Alcorn says in her book Echoes of Mercy: "Just as Christ gave His Great Commission to the church and no one else, He also equipped the church and no one else to carry out His commission. Just as no other institution was appointed to 'heal the brokenhearted,' neither was any other institution equipped for such a healing work. Only the church has both the authority and the power to bring restoration to broken lives."

There is so much HOPE for these young women. I think I had actually doubted and wondered if these girls who had seen and gone through so much would ever actually be okay - if they would ever be whole again. I see so much promise in their eyes. I see dead hearts and dead sp-

irits coming back to life. I see beauty coming from ashes, a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. It was such a beautiful thing to see...hope. To remind myself, I bought a wood carving cut in the shape of the Andrinka symbol for HOPE.

Learning all these things has done nothing but intensify the stirring in my heart for teen girls ministry, overseas work, and reaching out to hurting young women, particularly those being rescued from human trafficking. There were innumerable things that happened this past week that encouraged me or that answered questions that I had.

At the end of the day, I just continue to pray that we would seek out that which God has given us a passion and a fire and pursue it with a vengeance. That we would give our lives, our time, our energy over to eternal things, not temporary ones. After this week's experience, I don't know how I'll ever be able to settle for anything less.

I truly cannot wait until Jesus returns and there is no more of this pain and brokenness. No more tears and no more questions. But until that day comes, may we just continue to fight the good fight and keep the faith, so that what Paul said of himself might be true of us: "Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day..." (2 Tim 4:2).

a very tearful farewell

2011-08-18T15:56:00.000-07:00

I can't believe this day arrived so quickly. Today was our last day with the Sweetwater Girls. I was already dreading it going in. These girls have completely stolen my heart, and there is no doubt that I will be leaving a piece of it here as we go home.

The past couple of days (since my last post) have been just incredible. God has moved in some powerful ways in the lives of many of the girls. There have been walls breaking down, hearts being pierced, and truth sinking in. At the same time, I have been changed. I have been inspired by these girls' stories. I have been encouraged by their faith. I have been infected with their joy. They have brought me to tears and my side has hurt with laughter. My heart is full. I truly cannot wait until the day that I will see them again, whether here on earth or in heaven.

There is a sweet, sweet girl who was in mine and Monique's small group this week named Florence. I could tell all morning that she was heavy with sadness, so I went up to her and asked what was troubling her. She mentioned something about her head hurting but then said, with tears in her eyes, "When will you be able to come and see us again?" (which was when I realized what the heaviness all morning had been about). It was a heart wrenching question. I told her that I would pray to God to give us the opportunity to come back and see them one day...and I meant it. I assured her that even if we do not see each other again here on earth, there will be a day when we will all be together forever. She smiled in affirmation but could not hold back the tears. It just about ripped my heart out (...not only for her, but also for me). She asked if she could have a picture of me so that she could always remember me...

Me with Sweet Florence

(I told her I would mail it to her...)

This afternoon, we had a very sweet time of washing the girls' feet and praying over each of them. It was just such a blessed time of serving, honoring, blessing, and encouraging our sisters in Christ. There were many...many...tears.

It was heart wrenching saying goodbye to them today. I knew that our team would be very emotional about leaving, but I did not expect all of the tears from the girls. It is incredible the bond that can so quickly form when the relationship is built on Christ and centered on Him. I truly feel as if these girls have been my little sisters for years. It is hard to imagine that I have only known them for 4 days...crazy.

I am sitting here in my hotel room and their faces are just running through my mind. My heart really is heavy already missing them and wondering...hoping...that I will be back here before they graduate in a couple of years. As I told Monique tonight, it is almost unbearable to think about not ever seeing them again (...at least this side of heaven...). Oh, what a very blessed and life altering week it has been. A piece of my heart is undoubtedly staying in that little house outside of Accra, Ghana.

Please say a prayer for my sweet sisters - that they would continue to move forward boldly in the Lord, that they would take their stand against the enemy's schemes, that they would find healing from their hurts, freedom from lies, and that God would continue to relentlessly pursue their hearts until they are fully His. Amen.

Reflections in Ghana (Days 1-3)

2011-08-16T15:29:00.000-07:00

A few short months ago, my friend Monique Zackey invited me to a fundraiser banquet for an organization called Today's Choices. I remember specifically NOT wanting to go to the banquet that cold February night because I had had an awful day and just didn't want to be around people. But for some reason, I really felt God prompting me to go (...and today I can understand why...).

Today's Choices started a ministry called Sweetwater Ministries. A few years ago, they opened a home in Ghana, West Africa, where 24 Ghanaan girls who have been rescued from the streets and other difficult circumstances (some were purchased out of slavery) live for 3 years at a time. At Sweetwater, they are given food, clothes, a bed, education, and most importantly, Jesus. They are taught a trade of their choice (either sewing or hair dressing) so that when they graduate, they have a way to provide for themselves.

At the fundraiser that night, I learned all about this ministry and completely fell in love with it. Fast forward about six months and, only by the grace and the movement of God Himself, here I am in Ghana with a team of eight women (and two men...) bringing a girls' event called Girl Talk to the 24 precious girls at the Sweetwater House. During this time, we are speaking to the girls about their identity in Christ, their purpose in the Kingdom, forgiveness, freedom, and redemption. We play games, do crafts, give gifts, share testimonies and worship Jesus together. It literally is combining two of my greatest passions in life - ministry to young women and international missions....a dream come true, honestly.

Our team! From left to right: Monique Zackery, Dante Williamson, Margaret Callahan, Me, Stefani Johns, Karen Walker, Shayna Hobbs, Pastor Chris Williamson, Alisa Malone, Doris McMillian

I have made a pretty bad mistake in that we are already closing on Day 3 of the trip and I have yet to enter one blog post. It would be completely impossible to try and explain all that has happened in the last 3 days, but I will try and give a couple of the highlights. Suffice it to say, it has already been one of the most powerful experiences of my life.

We met the Sweetwater girls on Sunday after church and I was just not prepared for what I was about to experience. We arrived to a beautiful WELCOME sign and 24 girls standing on the porch. And then it was literally 10 - 15 minutes straight of cheers and claps and laughter and hugs. I couldn't believe the reception. It honestly felt as if we were all just long-lost friends reuniting after years of being apart. They literally stole my heart within 30 seconds...I'm already dreading leaving them at the end of the week.

Meeting the Sweetwater Girls for the first time!

I had the honor of teaching on Monday on the topic of identity. I was SO struck that day by how very similar their struggles with their worth and their identity are to ours. One of my teammates, Shayna, said that when they wrote down some of the lies that they have believed about who they are, she noticed that the young African girl sitting next to her had literally written the exact same three words that she - an American woman - had written down. Our lives may look different from the outside looking in, but the enemy's tactics never change. It's amazing...we truly are all cut from the same cloth.

It was a somewhat surreal experience speaking on a topic that I've spoken on innumerable times in the states, but teaching it this time to 24 young girls in West Africa, many of whom have been abandoned by their families, abused, lived on the streets. It was just such a humbling experience to think that God would use me to communicate this message of truth to these young girls on the other side of the world.

One of the most powerful moments of each day is testimony time. We typically have a couple of the Sweetwater girls share their testimony and then one of the women from our team share theirs. Today, the first Sweetwater girl walked up to give her testimony and none of us were prepared for what was about to happen.

It was a story of much hardship but came to a climax when she said, "You may wonder where my parents are. They are gone." And she started crying....hard....then said, "...and so is my sister". She then continued to share, through many tears, about how blessed she is to live at the Sweetwater House where she has "a bed with sheets" and how God has truly redeemed her life from the pit. She was crying so hard...and so were we.

Tears were flowing from the eyes of many of the Sweetwater girls as well...which is such a rarity in this culture. I have a feeling that they were not only crying for her, but also for themselves and the many aspects of their stories that they likely share in common. It was just this moment when it was as if we all came to this place together where we could just weep with one another over the hardships and difficulties that these young girls have experienced but also about the redemption and the healing that Jesus brings. After sharing her story, this precious girl, through her weeping, timidly started singing My Redeemer Lives. We tried, through our own tears, to join her, but it was difficult to get anything out. It's hard to explain what this moment was like, but it is a moment that I know I will never forget as long as I live.

When I talked to this sweet girl later that day, she told me that she loved that song because it has her favorite word in it - Redeemer.

There are so many things that I wish my friends and loved ones could be experiencing alongside me here - to hear the beautiful voices of these girls in the morning as they worship, to see their eyes light up as they open their gifts, to see their tears flow with one another as they carry each other's burdens, to hear their stories of how they have changed since coming to Sweetwater, to see and hear their indescribable laughter as we play every silly game in the book from Twister to Simon Says.

It's frustrating because I truly think I could fill a book with all of the experiences and all of the stories from the past 3 days. I will try to post at least a couple more times during the trip to keep my friends, family and supporters better informed. I could never begin to adequately thank those of you who have given your prayer, financial, and spiritual support for this trip. Please continue to pray for us as we are here, but more importantly, that God would continue to powerfully move in the lives of these 24 young girls. What a mighty God we serve.

We made purple bandana bracelets to represent the girls' identity as royalty - princesses of the King!

in every season...

2011-08-09T12:17:00.000-07:00

When answering the question, “So how are you doing these days?”, conversation seems to eventually lead me to say, “It’s just been quite a season”. And I’ve noticed other people in my life saying these same words about their own lives – “it’s just a season”.

Of course Scripture tells us in Ecclesiastes 3 that there is a season for everything – to laugh, to mourn, to dance, to weep, to search, to give up, etc. But what I’m realizing is that usually when people (present company included) say, “it’s just a season”, that’s usually code for: “I don’t like how life looks right now, and I know that it won’t be like this forever, so I just have to get through this and hope that things will change.”

I write this post for those who find themselves in that place – discontent, frustrated with life, frustrated with God (or maybe outright angry with Him), impatient, fearful – or at the very least, anxious – about the future and the unknown. These are all places where I’ve found myself over the past few months. Everyone’s “seasons” are going to look a little different, but here’s, for example, what my season has been looking like:

God called me out of a job that I loved, that I was comfortable in, and in which I had developed innumerable deep relationships. But he called me out of it without giving me a clear picture of what was next. It was the whole Abraham “I’m-not-gonna-show-you-exactly-where-you’re-going-but-I’m-telling-you-to-move” call. This has proven to be really difficult.
Over the past few weeks, He has given me these small tastes of what He wants to use me for in the Kingdom and has shown me what makes me come alive, when He is most at work through me, but I haven’t really seen them come together or come to fruition yet. These “small tastes” have done nothing but intensify my desire to be able to spend my time and energy in them while also intensifying my discontent in doing anything less.
There is a heaviness in my heart for all the chapters in my life that are closing and the relationships that are forever changing as a result. I am so thankful that He has given me friendships that have turned into “family”, but many of those people are leaving as permanent fixtures in my life.
Various circumstances continue to remind me of unrealized desires in my own life as most of my friends are all married and now having children. I am becoming the only one in my “circle” not building a family, and the possibility of this dream never being realized is continually difficult for me to try and accept.
I have been blessed with a free home to live in and in all honesty, if I were to hand-pick a family to live with, I couldn’t find one more wonderful than this family. But to be in my late 20’s living in someone else’s home with most of my belongings in storage is another thing that feeds into this dissatisfaction / unsettled feeling during this season.

As I was reflecting on all of these things yesterday, I realized that the common denominator is that my life is just one massive question mark. Nothing is sure. Nothing is settled. Nothing is certain. There are fears and anxieties about the future and the unknown.

This was when God gave me a powerful reminder that it is in this place that I have no choice but to rest in those things that I KNOW are true and are constant: that God is faithful. God is good. God is at work. He will never leave me. He will never forsake me. He will finish the work He has started in me. He has not forgotten me. He is always out for my good. With ever-changing circumstances all around me, with all of the unknowns and all of the questions, I can know that He is still God. He is still on the throne. As one of my favorite songs says:

All of my life

In every season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship.

I am thankful that in an ocean full of questions and unknowns, there is a rock on which to stand. And at the end of the day, this is all I can rest in. This is what allows me to stand in this season. I have to pray daily for the grace to rest in what I know that I know that I KNOW is true.

God brought back to mind a lesson that he taught me on a trail back in Febuary of this year. I didn’t even realize at the time how desperately I was going to need to understand this lesson over the coming months.

I was walking on a trail at Tims Ford State Park. The first half of the trail was paved and close to the main park road. The second half of the trail, though, was not paved and went down into the forest of trees. There was NO ONE out there.

There were these moments while walking when I would look down ahead of me and couldn’t see a path at all. I would start to worry that once I got up to that point, the trail would just stop and I would have no idea where to go and would be lost in the middle of the woods. It happened a few times. I would look ahead, not see a trail, and start to freak out a little bit inside. But it never failed…once I got up to that part that I was so worried about, there would be a path – it’s just that I couldn’t see it earlier from my vantage point.

Eventually, every time I would look too far ahead and start getting worried, I would literally have to tell myself, “Melanie, stop worrying. There will be a path.” And then I realized that if I would just stop trying to look so far ahead, I wouldn’t even be tempted to worry! So I had to start telling myself, “Just focus on the next step or two ahead of you, enjoy the scenery around you, and there will be a path.”

So God has again brought me back to that place and reminded me to stop trying to look so far down the path, because from my vantage point, I can’t see the whole thing. It’s ridiculous to try to lean on my own, limited understanding. I just need to focus on the step or two in front of me and enjoy the scenery, enjoy the journey, enjoy HIM, and trust that He will make my path straight. And I’m trusting in something much more reliable than a trail in a park; I’m trusting in the Almighty, ever-faithful God.

These are the things that are helping me survive “the season”. And I pray that they might be an encouragement to those of you who find yourself in a season as well. When life is not what you want it to be, is full of questions, or is full of fear, you have to stand on what you know that you know that you know. Trust in He who is same yesterday, today, and forever.

apart from Me, you can do nothing...

2011-07-27T07:23:00.000-07:00

I am sitting in my dorm here at Bluefield College after being blown away ONCE AGAIN by Him…and it’s prompting me to write. The past week-and-a-half has been an amazing experience at Impact Virginia camps. Impact travels around the state of Virginia each summer putting on service camps for junior high and high school students. My good friend, Dana Jorgensen, asked this past spring if I would be willing to speak for a couple of weeks of Impact this summer…and my immediate thought was that he meant I would come and maybe speak at a session or two….nope… I would be the one and only speaker for the camp, so I would be teaching each and every night. This was not something I had ever done before. My “speaking engagements” in the past have been to groups of 20-40 students, most of whom I know personally. This was going to be standing in front of 150 – 200 kids (and adults) who don’t know a thing about me.

That’s when the fears and the lies started sweeping in. I was hit with just about every one in the book:

What if they don’t like me? They’ll be stuck with me for a whole week!
What if I’m boring and I look out and everyone’s asleep?
What if I try to crack jokes and no one laughs?
There are so many speakers better than me that could do this.
I can’t communicate to a large group in a way that would be inspiring.
Why would they ask me?!
I’m not equipped enough.
I’m not wise enough.
I’m going to get on stage and freeze up.

Yeah…and that was only the beginning of them. Lie after lie and fear after fear. I very reluctantly took them to God and He did what He does best and just started squashing those lies and those fears with His truth.

First of all, “you’re worried about what they will think of you?!” That’s when I received a swift kick in the rear with Isaiah 26:8 that says “Your name and renown are the desire of our hearts”. This has nothing to do with Melanie or Melanie’s name. I realized that if those students left camp not remembering my name, but remembering the name of Jesus, that was going to be victory. This was so much bigger than me.

So on to lie #2…”you don’t think you’re equipped or wise enough to do this? You’re right! In and of your own power, you don’t have the ability to do this.” And then, the next kick in the rear: 1 Cor. 1:27 – “But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him.”

He reminded me that this has everything to do with Him, His power, His name, His glory…and nothing to do with my own. So…I had no excuses left or reasons to say no. I agreed to do this, with a mixture of excitement, anticipation, and anxiety. (Not gonna lie…as I was driving to Virginia a week-and-a-half ago, I actually had a vision pop in my head of me getting on stage and literally freezing up and having to just walk off stage.)

Fast-forward a week and a half and I have just been floored by the way God works. I had to learn a lesson early on in this experience. On the first night of the first week, I had a short session that was mainly just me introducing myself and the theme for the week…it actually went pretty well and I was feeling good about things. I got laughter to my jokes and felt like I received a warm welcome. So going into the second night (which was really our first official teaching session), I was feeling pretty confident. Problem: I was feeling confident in myself.

So I get up to speak the second night and I’m feelin’ good. I think it was a total subconscious thing, because I don’t believe I would have been able to verbalize this to anyone, but I just had this “I-got-this” attitude happening and I think I said a short prayer right before I got on stage, but I was feeling pretty good in and of myself. There was no desperation for God or the Holy Spirit’s work that night.

So the teaching begins that night and I’m telling you…I was NOT feeling it. I felt like nothing was really sinking in, the room felt empty of power, and I just felt like I was talking to a wall. I didn’t experience any of that feeling when you know that He is working and speaking through you. It was discouraging…and it brought me to my knees in my room that night. I would find out (over a week later) that the session that night actually went well and was impactful, but it’s almost as if God would not allow me to experience it. I had gone in with a self-reliant attitude that night, and thankfully God did not allow me to get away with that.

I realized how very foolish it was of me to go in thinking “I got this…”. Did I not remember the

lessons He had taught me coming into this?! This was bigger than me. I was going to need His presence and His power with me every step of the way and in every word that came out of my mouth. God took me to John 15 and reminded me that it was not just a good idea, but it was vital for me to stay connected to the vine, because “APART FROM ME YOU CAN DO NOTHING”.

Every night since then, I have found time before the worship session to go away by myself and just get on my face before Him, begging and pleading for Him to work and to move and to change hearts and to pour out His Spirit on that room…to do all of the things that I cannot do. And I feel like He’s just been showing off ever since. He has been taking the little scraps that I’ve been offering to Him every night and working in ways that literally cannot be described outside of Him.

It’s honestly been a little difficult accepting the words of encouragement and the praise and the thanks from the people at the camps – the “what-you-said-really-impacted-me” type statements – because every part of me just wants to grab these people by the shoulders and be like, “I’m telling you. The words may have come out of my mouth, but I have NO power in and of myself. Those words were HIS to YOU and that was the Spirit of GOD impacting you and inspiring you and changing you.” The reality is that I can’t exactly do that to everyone who comes up to me, because I think I would start freaking everyone out around here. But I just want to shout from the rooftops that I cannot do anything outside of Him…I am literally nothing in my own power.

Last week, there was a man (a grown man, mind you…not a student) who came up to me late Tuesday night (long after the worship session) and handed me a two-page document and asked me to read it and give me his thoughts. He said he hadn’t written anything in probably 10 years, but was inspired to write, because God had moved in him that night. It was his testimony – a testimony that ended with “tonight, sitting on the back row and listening to Melanie speak, I realized what my purpose was…” I could do nothing in that moment but just fall on my face and praise Jesus. He ended up sharing his testimony with the whole camp later that week.

Now we’re at a new location and last night after the worship session, one of the older students here asked if he could share his testimony at some point. So this morning, he got up in front of the 200 students and adults and shared about how his mother had died last year from cancer and how He had run away from God, but this spring, God brought Him back. He then said that “It was last night, listening to you speak (pointing at me) that I realized why I’m here and what my purpose is…” And I could do nothing but just utter with my lips, “Praise Christ”.

This is not the stuff that can be manufactured by man. I do not have the ability to change hearts. I don’t even have the ability to change my own heart! God. God alone. He alone can change hearts. He alone can take lives and turn them around.

It’s crazy, because the more I am seeing Him move and the more fruit I am witnessing, the more desperate I am for Him. It’s another one of those amazing paradoxes. He fully satisfies the thirsty, but always leaves them thirsty for more. I am so thankful that He brought me to my knees last Monday night, reminding me that I am nothing and can do nothing apart from Him. It makes me wonder why I don’t go into every single day with this desperation for Him to move. I wonder how much more we would all experience of Him and how much of a difference He would make in our worlds through us if we chose to walk in His power every single day. I wonder…

At the end of our days and at the end of our lives, may there be nothing left to say, but “Praise Christ”!

find the darkness

2011-06-11T16:07:00.000-07:00

This weekend I attended the Trafficking in America Conference in Nashville. I hardly know where to begin.

Human trafficking is, by definition, "the commercial exchange and exploitation of humans including forced prostitution and pornography, involuntary labor, servitude and debt bondage". Ever since I heard about the issue of human trafficking a few years ago, God has just been breaking my heart over the issue and has continued to stir that passion more and more over the years. Granted, there are a million issues and injustices in the world over which my heart breaks, but there is nothing like this one to me. The fact that there are young girls and boys (as well as adults) who are literally being held as slaves for the sole purpose of giving their bodies away day and night is one of the most horrific tragedies that I can imagine.

We received an insane number of statistics this weekend, but here are some of the ones that stood out the most to me:

There are approximately 300,000 trafficking victims today in the U.S. ...yes...right here (and if there are 300,000 victims used 30-40 times a day, how many men are participating in buying women and children? Do the math...)
There are only 50 beds in safe-houses for these 300,000 victims. (My good friend and I have been continually praying about the possibility of opening a home for victims in the states...this fact just encouraged/inspired us even more)
Every minute, two children are forced into sex trafficking. That means that in one full day, 2,880 children have been forced into this horrific world (if I did my math right....)
Sex-trafficked children are raped 8-30 times per day
There is $32 billion in total yearly profits in human trafficking
"Pimping" is an art...good grief, it blew me away. These people are highly skilled at what they do (and are actually able to share their skills through various pimping books and conferences held nationwide).
The average cost to "de-virginize" an 8-9 year old is $50K (the younger they are, the more expensive they are)
The vast majority of prostituted children in America are American girls (most people think that the majority are girls from other countries that are shipped to the states)
For you Tennesseans, 78 out of the 95 counties in TN have had some form of human trafficking in the last two years

But.....statistics are faceless. They are numbing. And as Christine Caine (founder of the A21 Campaign) says, "A statistic is just a number until you meet the one."

Well we got to meet a few of those "ones" this weekend. There were a few trafficking survivors who shared their stories at the conference, and it was these women who inspired us to hope and to action. The problem is massive and overwhelming. You can feel defeated before you even start. But if it weren't for the brave men and women who decided to move on this issue, take a stand for justice, and be an agent of healing and hope, I wonder if any of those survivors would have the incredible stories that they have. They were once caught in some of the most horrific stories of abuse, terror, darkness and despair and are now thriving, full of hope, educated and married with their own families.

All I could hear in my head while I was listening to their stories was:

Into the darkness you shine, out of the ashes we rise.

There's no one like You, none like You

Our God is greater, Our God is stronger,

God you are higher than any other.

Our God is Healer, awesome in power.

And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us.

And if our God is with us, then what could stand against.

(I don't care how tired of that song you might be...those lyrics kick some serious tail)

I feel like I'm going to be digesting things from this weekend for days and weeks to come. We were able to meet many people involved in fighting this problem as well as restoring its victims, and we now have a list of people just in the Nashville area with whom we will be meeting in the weeks to come to learn, dialogue, and possibly collaborate with.

So...I write this post for two reasons:

I just want to continue to be part of raising awareness of this horrific issue in the world.
I want to challenge you to ask God to break your heart for what breaks His. As I said earlier, there are countless ways that our enemy is attacking in this world. By no means do I expect people to be passionate about this issue. But I pray that God would give you eyes to see the broken and the hurting and give you a fire in your gut about something out there, whether it be a heart for the sick, the addict, the poverty-stricken, the broken family, fill-in-the-blank.

I once heard Christine Caine tell this story of when she and her son go out and buy a flashlight and in his excitement in the checkout line at Walmart, he asks, "Mommy, can we go out and find some darkness?" The kid's got it right! As followers of Christ, we are here to bring His light into this dark and hurting world. And until we get that, I fear that we lose our purpose.

I continue to believe that God is calling me to move in this issue. I still don't know for sure what that specifically means, but there was this amazing feeling as we left the conference that we were like an army - a united front - just ready to go out to pierce the darkness in the name of Jesus. I love the unity that happens when the people of God join together in His name to fight. And if our God is with us, then what can stand against! Let's go find some darkness...

We watched this video at the conference (yes, a tad cheesy but still...powerful message...)

For more information regarding sex trafficking (and to find out how you can get involved), check out these sites:

http://www.endsextrafficking.com/

http://www.thea21campaign.org/

http://www.notforsalecampaign.org/

http://www.freeforlifeintl.org/

http://vfjnw.org/

be still

2011-06-08T19:24:00.001-07:00

Okay so first of all, to my blogging friends, don't even try to figure out my blogging patterns, because even I can't figure them out. It's like once every few months, I just feel a blog coming on, so...I write! But I can't figure out the method to my journalistic madness..either way, here goes...

It's close to impossible to explain what the last few weeks have been like. In November of last year, I knew that I knew that I knew that God was calling me onto a new path. I wasn't burned out on youth ministry by any means, but I knew that God was prompting me (very strongly) to move on some things that He had been stirring in me for years. I'm going through the "A Call To Die" Bible study right now and today's study talked about how a real walk with God is an adventure because He "lets us get into patterns that give us some stability, but as soon as we are established, he leads us in a new direction to new experiences of enjoying him and letting him use us." Amen to that, David Nasser.

I served as the assistant youth minister at Harpeth Community Church for six school years. The youth at HCC are true family...as close as blood brothers/sisters. Honestly, I feel like they might as well be my own children. I have gone through every level of experience with many of them. I have cried with them (and for them), laughed until I couldn't breathe, hurt for them, tried to protect them, been overwhelmed with pride over them, wanted Jesus so badly for them, and have loved them in a way that I truly - TRULY - never knew was possible. They made my heart so full.

That being said, this has likely been one of the hands-down hardest things I've ever done. Thing is, I knew it was going to be hard. I was trying to prepare myself for it...thinking that might make it easier. But it was harder than I even thought it was going to be. It's amazing how those kids and that ministry have become such a massive part of me. It was as if (and I know this sounds a little dramatic but it is, nevertheless, true) there was this part of me that was actually dying.

This leads me to my point (...yes, I'm getting there). I have realized over the past few weeks how, no matter how many times I teach and preach on this topic, I tend to place my identity and my worth in what I do and in what people think about me. To some extent, I don't know how this can totally be avoided. But for how many times I have tried to drill this idea into the heads and hearts of the teen girls with whom I've worked, you'd think I would have this thing conquered! (I know....funny)

I realized that I've been in this youth ministry for six years and I started to wonder if I even was going to know myself outside of ministry. My identity had become "youth minister", "big sister", "mentor", the "go-to girl for problems"....I was used to being needed and valued and sought out...and now, that identity was about to be stripped. Thankfully, I anticipated this identity crisis coming, and I'm thankful that God gave me the heads up on it; otherwise, I might be having a real freak-out right about now.

I took the "Strengths Finder" test a few months ago and it told me that my #1 strength was "Achiever"...which was totally - and somewhat annoyingly - not a surprise to me. I'm one of those people that always has to be doing and achieving and performing. Yes, this can be a strength. And yes, I have to constantly keep it in check lest it become a big problem. One of the problems that can result from this "need to achieve" is that my identity and my worth tend to be tied to my achievements. Therefore, if I'm not achieving, my sense of worth begins to drop. (Side note: A dear friend of mine, Monique Zackery, wrote an awesome post on this very topic...check it out here)

Problem is, I do not know what is next for me. I have some ideas, some dreams, a little direction, but I don't know specifically where I will be or what I will be doing one year - or even 6 months - from now. This is hard for me. Because one season has ended, but it's like the next one hasn't begun yet. And this "achiever" really needs to be "achieving", so it's driving me crazy to not have the next thing in my life ready and waiting on me to perform!

BUT...I believe and I know that God has been telling me, "not yet". It's the weirdest thing. I so rarely feel like I'm hearing super specific things from Him, but this one is so specific and clear. He wants me to wait. He wants me to be still. He wants this "achiever" to stop achieving for a little while. He wants to remind me of who I am - not because of anything I can do - but because of who He is and what He has created in me. He wants to remind me of the greatest gain - HIM. Nothing I do or achieve, no ministry, no external (or even internal) blessing, no relationship, nothing is of more infinite worth than Him. "Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you."

So I feel like He's just inviting me into this season where it just gets to be me and Him. A season to be rejuvenated and reminded of the One necessary thing in my life. A season of preparation. I don't know what's next but I do believe that whatever is coming is way, way "bigger" than me. So I think He knows that this season of being still and of allowing Him to pour into my heart and my soul is absolutely vital for whatever is next.

I'm excited. I'm so looking forward to putting aside my "Martha" tendencies and be a "Mary" - to just sit at His feet. The "achiever" in me may be wrestling with this season (however long it will be...), but the Spirit in me is saying, "No, this is good. This is necessary. This will be LIFE giving. Treasure this season. Be still and know..."

catchin' up!

2011-04-05T21:19:00.000-07:00

It's pretty amazing to me that it's been well over a year since I last posted an entry on here...I don't know what happened. Many of my blogging friends stopped blogging and all of a sudden, it lost some of its energy for me. Goodness knows I've had PLENTY to blog about!

So I guess it's time to catch up on the past year and a half of my life....

God has been doing some C-R-A-Z-Y stuff in my life over the past few months. And it has sent me from excitement to frustration to peace to anger to joy to confusion to fear. It has been probably the craziest roller coaster of a season I've ever experienced before in my life. And when my life feels like it's all over the place and I can seem to wrap my mind around what is happening, I write...so here is what I wrote about what God has been doing lately...and it starts about six years ago...

----------------------------------------------------

In the fall of 2005, I was hired on as the female youth minister at Harpeth Community Church. One of the passions that God really began to stir and develop in my life was for the teen girls to whom I was ministering. Over the first couple of years, I started learning something very important: at the heart of every issue and every struggle that these girls were dealing with was the same core problem. They did not have a clear sense of their worth and their identity in Jesus. It always went back to that. So I began to really pour into the girls with that very thing at the forefront of my mind. In 2007, I started writing a Bible Study for teen girls that was all about speaking to this “core problem”.

In October 2008, I met Jenna Monforte who lives outside of Atlanta, GA. Jenna and I hit it off like none other and quickly realized that our hearts were totally in tune with one another on so many levels. In January 2009, she asked if I would like to come down to help with a teen girls event she was putting together called InsideOut. I led a small group and also spoke at one of the main sessions at the event. I will never forget that first InsideOut weekend. There was this thing in me that just came so alive around that event, something that went crazy in my spirit! The weekend was truly amazing and Jenna and I started dreaming of what it might look like if we “packaged” the event and took it to other communities and other churches. We knew that God had given us a fire and a passion for reaching young women and speaking truth into their lives. I started praying like crazy that He would put other women in our lives who not only shared the vision, but were willing to invest their lives into it.

Simultaneously, God had really been breaking my heart for what was happening outside my little world. I particularly was broken over the issue of human trafficking. There were few things that broke my heart more than the thought of children and girls and women being traded and used as sex slaves. He also started to develop in me a real passion for the nations and a desire to be involved in missions and reaching those who were not being reached around the world. I spent a month in Uganda, Africa in November 2009 and my experience there only intensified that stirring.

We had over 80 girls attend the first Franklin InsideOut in January 2010, and the girls really seemed to love and get a lot out of the weekend. We did another InsideOut in February 2010 in Georgia, but with the busy-ness of our own respective ministries, Jenna and I were not really able to explore the possibilities of doing more with InsideOut. However, I think there’s still always been something in mine and Jenna’s hearts that have never stopped dreaming about that possibility.

In early summer 2010, I met a girl named Ashley Morales while doing some volunteer flood relief in East Nashville. Ashley worked with teenagers through YoungLife, and she told me she had been dreaming about putting together a teen girls weekend event that she could take to Hispanic communities. Her heart behind the vision was everything that we had envisioned for InsideOut, and we had the same heart-to-heart connection that I had with Jenna when I first met her. We exchanged info, talked about getting together, but never actually did.

Also, in the summer of 2010, I was invited by my friend Melanie to a girls event in Franklin called Girl Talk. I was amazed to find that Girl Talk was almost a spitting image of what we did with InsideOut. It also re-ignited that passion in me for InsideOut and all that we had dreamed for it.

The emcee for Girl Talk was Hetti-Marie Barroll. She was incredible, and I thought of how awesome it would be for her to be part of InsideOut that year, but honestly thought there was probably no way that I could get her. A week or so later, I was at my office job and got a text from some of my junior high girls. They said, “Do you remember Hetti-Marie from Believe? She is here at Harpeth with her kids for the summer movie day and she said she would come and do something for us any time we wanted it!” I could hardly believe it. It was like God was saying, “You want her? You got her!” So of course I told them to get her info, and when I got to the church office later that day, there was a note written on a napkin from Hetti-Marie with her phone number and e-mail, saying that she would be willing to come “talk to the girls” anytime.

In early fall, I spoke at an event at Franklin Christian Academy where they split up the guys and the girls. I soon found out that the other speaker coming was Monique Zackery, the founder of the Girl Talk event I had gone to in the spring! I got to meet Monique and we talked about getting together, but weren’t ever really able to connect.

In October 2010, I was at the Catalyst conference in Atlanta, and during a prayer after one specific session, I unexpectedly started feeling that can’t-breathe-heart-pounding-out-of-your-chest kind of feeling and I truly believe that God said to me “it’s time.” I didn’t know what it meant, but I sensed that He was saying it was time to MOVE on the things He had been stirring in my heart for the past couple of years. I knew that my life was about to take a massive turn.

I spent a few weeks praying and fasting and continued to be confirmed that God was calling me into a new season. I researched organizations that were working with sex trafficking victims and also started talking with Shawn and Linda Tyler, who have been leading a mission team in East Africa for almost 30 years. After much prayer and thought (and realizing that at some point, I was going to need to make a decision and move forward), in November 2010, I made the decision to move forward in working with the team in Mbale, Uganda.

There was definitely a part of me that started immediately mourning what I was going to be sacrificing by going. I realized that my dreams for InsideOut were going to have to be laid on the altar before God. I knew that I would be able to minister to the young girls in Uganda, but it wasn’t going to look the same. This was an extremely hard thing for me to lay down, but I knew I was going to have to.

Meanwhile, 2011 was approaching and plans were underway for what I believed was going to be my last InsideOut in Franklin. Hettie-Marie and I met for lunch on Oct. 19, and during the middle of our lunch, the door to the restaurant opened, and Monique Zackery walks in! She saw us, came over, and said “HEY, how do you guys know each other?!” Little did I know that Monique and Hetti-Marie were good friends!

Re-connecting with Monique that day reminded us about getting together, so on November 12, Monique and I met for lunch. We talked for almost three full hours and it was incredible to talk with someone who shares the same vision, same passion, and same heart. All of a sudden, I started realizing, “Wait, women like Ashley, Hetti-Marie, and Monique are who I have been PRAYING for two years to meet!” Monique shared her heart with me not only for teen girls but also her heart for the issue of human trafficking. I told her that I had also forever had a brokenness in my heart for that very issue. We also started planning on her (and her husband) speaking at InsideOut.

InsideOut Franklin quickly arrived and I was so excited about having Monique and Hetti-Marie involved in the event. We had about 60 girls come, and it was an amazing weekend. And after hearing some of the things the girls had to say hours (and days) after the event ended, it was obvious that GOD HAD MOVED and hearts had been changed. There were innumerable moments throughout the weekend where I felt that “jump in my spirit”, where I just felt like I was right in the middle of the zone of what I was created to do. I felt like I was experiencing God’s pleasure, and there’s nothing – NOTHING – like that.

In February, I spoke at a women’s event at the church, and even that morning with a demographic I didn’t typically speak to, I got that same “jump in my spirit”. After the event that morning, three women came up to me and said, “We have no idea why we’re coming to tell you this, but God has been laying so heavily on our hearts the idea of putting together a weekend event for women.” One of them said, “We know you’re leaving so there’s really no way for you to be involved in this, but for some reason, God was just telling me while you were speaking that we should come tell you.”

That was the final straw for me. There had been innumerable things happening over the previous weeks, and I couldn’t ignore it anymore. God was quite obviously trying to get my attention, so I just had to call a “time out” on everything. Why would these doors start opening for me NOW? Was this Satan trying to pull me away from what God was calling me to? Was God just waiting for me to fully surrender those things to Him so He could work and bless them? I was thrown for a total loop and had no idea what to do. I talked to a few very wise people in my life and they all agreed that the way things had been unfolding over the past few weeks were quite notable and encouraged me to explore them and be open to God steering me in a direction that I maybe hadn’t expected.

I immediately contacted Monique to see if she could get together. So on February 11, we met and I told her everything that had been going on. I asked if she had ever dreamed about Girl Talk being more than what it is right now. And I had no idea what was coming next.

Monique said she had actually been praying for months about what was next for this ministry. She told me about overseas teams in Ghana, Sudan, and the Ukraine who have been asking her to bring Girl Talk to them. She said she dreamed of taking Girl Talk to other communities in the states and using it to minister to girls who had been pulled out of sex trafficking.

Monique told me that a few weeks ago, a friend of theirs from New York had contacted her and told her about this girl that she needed to meet named Ashley Morales. And my jaw dropped. I said, “Ashley Morales that lives in Nashville?” I just couldn’t believe it. I told her that I had randomly met Ashley that previous summer working flood relief! It was getting pretty impossible to believe that all of our connections with one another were coincidental. Monique said that after meeting with her, she started thinking about how much better it would be for them to link arms and do this girls ministry together as opposed to building two separate ministries!

She had already been meeting with some consultants about the possibility of having a non-profit umbrella that would encompass Girl Talk, potentially Ashley’s Hispanic ministry, and then other things as well – including missions (taking Girl Talk overseas) and even the possibility of opening a home in the states for young women being brought out of sex trafficking.

Monique also mentioned that a publishing company in the potential that might have the potential for being a “backer” for this. She said that she had thought about putting together teen girls curriculum, including a Bible study that the girls could do with leaders from their church after the event. Once again, I could hardly believe my ears. I told Monique that three years ago, I started writing a Bible study for teen girls. It was just one thing after another.

I told Monique that I had come to this point where I felt like God was asking me to lay down those things that I had dreamed about. There is a “yes” in my heart for teen girls, a “yes” in my heart for teaching, a “yes” in my heart for music and worship, a “yes” in my heart for missions, and a “yes” in my heart for those who are victims of sex trafficking. She said she didn’t believe that God gives anyone multiple passions and gifts just to make them choose one. There is no reason that God can’t take every one of those things and weave them together in something that will allow me to say “yes” to every last one. He is orderly. He is creative.

The calling in my heart that I received in October to “go” was real. But looking back, what I clearly believed I’d heard God say at that moment was: “It’s time to move on the things that I’ve been stirring in your heart for years.” I automatically assumed that meant I was moving overseas. But is it possible that maybe I just wasn’t clearly seeing exactly what that calling was going to look like? Proverbs says that men will plan their lives, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. I feel like the call to “go” and to “move” were very real, but I believe that God is steering me in a direction that I completely did not expect and was certainly not seeking out.

I don’t know for sure what to do with all of this. But I know this: when God seems to be moving and orchestrating and stirring passions and weaving people into each other’s lives, it’s hard to imagine walking away from that! Not when you KNOW that it is those very things that make your spirit come alive. That is something that cannot be ignored and cannot be cast aside.

For a few weeks now, I have been continuing to pray and ponder, asking God to throw a boulder down on this thing if this is not His BEST for me. But there have just been continual confirmations in my spirit that I must pursue the things that God seems to be weaving together in front of me. I have no idea what this looks like a year or even 6 months from now, but it seems almost foolish for me to see God moving so evidently and not follow. So that is where I find myself. And who knows…it may be that two years from now, I will find myself living in Uganda doing the very thing I had originally thought. At the end of the day, I just want to be living and serving in the place where I can be MOST effective for the Kingdom in using what He has given me to its fullest extent. And so the journey continues…

looking back...

2009-12-04T18:04:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking I needed to do some sort of wrap-up blog about Uganda (...and have been getting the hint from a few of you...). But I'll be honest, I've kinda been delaying because, well, I don't really know what to say.

It has proven to be harder than I expected to be back. It was weird...I went through this interesting progression: my first night back was just full of excitement for seeing people that I'd missed a lot and at the same time, I almost felt like the whole trip had just been a dream, like I'd never really left. Then Day 2 back in the states was just spent "enjoying" the modern comforts of home - like a hot shower and washing machine. But then by Day 3, that stuff had kinda worn off and it was back to life, back to reality. And to be honest, I just wanted to be back in that little village in the bush of western Uganda.

I would be sitting at my desk at the office and I would just have this endless stream of pictures running through my head of different places and people that I'd fallen in love with on the other side of the world, the people who had stolen my heart. And it was both sad because I miss them terribly and also kinda lonely, ya know? Like no one else could really go there in their head with me. Of course it's no fault of anyone else...it's just how it is. God had to remind me, though, that I was most definitely not alone. His heart beats harder for those people than mine ever will.

I cannot get them out of my mind. And I pray that I never will. They have changed my life. I don't know exactly what to do with that right now. There was this part of me that really wanted to be able to go on this trip and come back with a clear sense of direction - either "Africa is definitely where I'm called to be" or "My place is in the states". But as we know, God doesn't always work that way. And I didn't really come back with a strong sense of one or the other. So I'm going to keep seeking...and keep praying.

I do know this. I am more aware than ever of the desperate need of the people of Uganda. People are often commenting on how" Uganda gets all the hype", "that's where everyone goes", "it's a Christian country so there's not much need there", "we need them more than they need us", etc. But that simply isn't true. The people of Uganda are in desperate need. Yes, they need physical provision, but they are in desperate need of Jesus. There is a lot of darkness and a lot of spiritual warfare in that country. A lot of people who subscribe to Christianity, but know very little about God and have never opened a Bible.

I have also learned that moving to Africa is by no means a cop-out. That may sound crazy to you, but there are some who think that people go to Africa when they can't handle America any more. They think Africa is the "easy way out", as if it's easier to minister and to be close to God there. Again, this simply isn't true. It's just as easy, if not easier, to be distracted from God there. And by no means is it easier to minister there than in the states. There is a whole new set of distractions and struggles that you take on when you move to do ministry in Africa.

I learned an overwhelming amount during my time in Uganda. I still have much to process, much to pray about. Thank you so much to those of you who faithfully prayed and supported and encouraged me while I was there. Please continue to pray for my brother and sister - Matt and Amy - who will continue on in Uganda for the next two months. My heart is still with them there.

And when you get the chance, go to Uganda. You will be changed. :)

Since I had a really hard time uploading pictures to Blogger while I was there, I will leave you with a few of my faves from the trip.

This one's courtesy of Matt Walter...so glad he was there to take pics too!

These girls will always hold a special place in my heart, because they were the first children I really interacted with. They are the girls from the Remember Me orphanage in Mityana. My story from that day is here.

These were three of the first little girls we met in Nyamarwa.

Our first day with the Nyamarwa village children...a day I will definitely never forget.

a few of my favorites...(not that I have favorites...uhhh)

This is Mary. She is the daughter of one of the teachers at Kibbuse, Madam Olivia. Without a doubt one of the most precious little girls I have ever met.

These are the students at one of the primary schools in the Nyamarwa village. 75% of the population in Uganda is under 21...yep.

So we're on the bus on our way from Kampala to Mbale and I look in between the seats in front of us and see this. good grief.

This was one of the most complacent, well-behaved babies I've ever seen. Fell in love with her in a heartbeat.

"Chief" (operations manager at Kibbuse School) and his grandmother. This one is also coming courtesy of Matt Walter...and just might have my vote as the best one of the trip.

I will never forget the sight of their smiles or the sound of their laughs. I don't think there's anything like the children of Africa. They have my heart.

the final days...

2009-11-29T21:30:00.000-08:00

Well…I’m writing this in the Amsterdam airport, so obviously I’m on my way home. But I didn’t get a chance to update over the past few days, so I’ll try to keep this short and sweet…(TRY being the key word…)

NOV 24

I spent most of the morning and afternoon working on a newsletter for the parents, students, and graduation ceremony. Tonight we had the “Last Supper” celebration, which is an annual event that they have a couple of nights prior to graduation. They have a meal for the faculty, students, and “graduands” (as they call them here). They girls are all invited to wear a “gomezi” that they’ve made in their tailoring class. Gomezi are these traditional African dresses that have super high-cut shoulders and huge sashes that tie in a big knot in front. And the fancier the fabric, the better. Amy and I found out that the girls also wanted us to wear a gomezi tonight, and of course we couldn’t refuse! When we came out of Amy’s room with those things on, everyone had a crazy fit. And boy when we got a look at ourselves in the mirror, there was definitely a good amount of laughter. Of course to us, we looked completely ridiculous…and here’s why:

…but not to a Ugandan. To a Ugandan, these dresses are a thing of beauty. (Who says “beauty” isn’t defined by your culture?!)

Meanwhile the guys had gotten all dressed up nice and when everyone was ready, the guys all lined up in two lines and the girls all came out of the house and walked through the lines while everyone sang. Adorable…

We had a big meal and then there was a program that included songs from the choir, songs and messages from the graduands, messages from the faculty, and awards given to each graduand. The program didn’t end until around 11:00, but it was so great to be a part of it!

NOV 25

Graduation Preparation Day!

I basically worked on the newsletter and on making a video for graduation all morning and all afternoon. The students and teachers have been working all day on food preparations for tomorrow. They are expecting a lot of people and they serve lunch after the ceremony, so there was much to prepare. I cannot fathom the amount of potatoes and bananas that I have seen today.

WARNING VEGETARIANS: Don’t read the next two paragraphs.

Another interesting thing I saw was a butchered cow out in the field being destroyed by some of the guys for tomorrow’s lunch. Now it’s one thing to see meat hanging in a shop. It’s a whole other thing seeing the full body of a dead cow laying on the ground with men all around it pulling out meat and intestines…and poop. Yes, I actually watched a guy stick half his arm up in there and pull out cow dung. Wonder how someone ends up with that job...

I also did not see but did HEAR the death of more than one chicken today…it truly is a horrible noise. Literally sounds like screams. Anyway, made for a disconcerting yet equally interesting afternoon.

We were working until after midnight printing programs and ironing flags. We later found out that there were some teachers and staff who never went to bed because they were working on food preparation alllll night long. Tomorrow will be quite a production!

NOV 26

Graduation Day!

Today started with quite a stressful morning trying to get everything ready for the day. The ceremony was supposed to start at 10:00 and we still had quite a few “graduands” putting on their caps and gown at 10:30.

Interesting African culture note: Their concept of time is so very different than ours. When someone says, “Let’s meet at 8:00”, it could mean 7:30 or it could mean 9:00, depending on when all of the parties arrive. So when they said graduation was supposed to start at 10:00, it really wasn’t a big deal that we didn’t start until 11:30 because most people didn’t arrive until around noon and some people didn’t even show up until 2:00. It’s so bizarre to me.

By the time everyone got there, I’d say there were a good 250 – 300 people there. The service literally went from 11:30 – 3:30…longest graduation ceremony I’ve ever been too! There was a ton of singing, a ton of talking, and I loved how the certificate presentation went. It wasn’t like in the states where they call a name, someone walks across a stage, and a few people clap (maybe with a whistle or two). No…when they called a graduate’s name, they would start playing music, the student would literally DANCE to the front, receive their certificate, then people would come give the student gifts and hugs. It was amazing.

When the ceremony ended, we all walked back up to the courtyard for lunch. There were massive amounts of food prepared. Of course Matt, Amy, and I had to eat in the house with all of the “important” people, which we always have to do. To be honest, we often just wish we could just eat with everyone else outside, but culture is culture. And in this culture, the “mizungus” are always honored guests, so they always have to be in the seats of honor.

The party then moved back down to the tents. They had rented a sound system and deejay and boy was it a par-tay…I think the whole village showed up! There was dancing for a good 4-5 hours straight…so much fun. There was a little girl and a little boy who each grabbed one of my hands and we spent at least half an hour dancing, with them never once letting go of my hands. I taught them how to twirl and they loved it…one of those special moments that I’ll never forget.

I skyped in to the Robinson Thanksgiving feast tonight and got to speak to the Robinsons, the Minchews AND cousin Ross! It was short but sweet because my connection was lost after a few minutes, but so wonderful to see their faces!

I started packing tonight…and started getting really sad about it.

NOV 27

Today was a day of wrapping things up. This morning we had the Final Assemble with the first and second year students. Each of the teachers had a chance to say some final words to the students and they gave Matt, Amy and me an opportunity to talk. I unexpectedly got really emotional and don’t know if I’ve had to ever fight that hard to keep it together (usually I just let the tears flow, but they’re not super emotional like that in this culture, so I fought like crazy to hold myself together so as to not freak them all out). But it was a great opportunity to tell the students how proud I was of them that they are working so hard for a better life and then get to encourage the teachers and thank them for investing in the lives of the youth of Uganda, then to be able to publicly acknowledge Reverend James, Bob and Brenda for the amazing sacrifices they make for Kibbuse, the students, and the staff. We sang the national anthem one last time, and I couldn’t contain the tears. Then all the mizungus taught them “We Wish You A Merry Christmas”…can’t say I’ve ever sung that song under the hot sun before until today.

This afternoon Matt, Amy and I went out and played some with the village kids (I needed one more good quality afternoon with them). We brought out some candy, played with tennis balls, took pictures (which they LOVE).... then I sat down and about 10 kids came and sat around me, and for about 15 minutes, we just sang songs. We sang some together, they sang some for me, I taught them “Deep and Wide” and “Father Abraham”...another magical moment to add to the books. These children have my heart.

Timothy taught me how to make what has become my favorite African food item – chapati. It’s like this tortilla-type bread thing…delish. And now I can hopefully make it for people back home.

After dinner, we went out to the courtyard area and hung out with some of the teachers and the students that are still here. We taught them “Mighty to Save” and “Hosanna” and we looked at graduation pictures and videos. We had such a great time. It’s amazing how connected you can grow to people after only a short month…especially people with whom it can be very difficult to communicate.

Matt, Amy, and I went on a late-night walk in the field behind the school and had another time of just airing out some of our frustrations and struggles and had a chance to just do some debriefing about the month and praying together. It was a sweet night. I’m not ready to go home.

NOV 28

Travel day. If I have learned anything, it is that traveling in this country is NOT easy. So we went into today expecting a very long day. With Matt, Reverend, and Brenda sharing the back seat of the truck and Amy and me sharing the passenger seat, we didn’t have the most comfortable drive, but what do you expect…it’s Uganda. We had to make what felt like a hundred different stops for various errands on the way, go to meet Reverend’s daughter, Norah, in Mityana, and then took a taxi from there to Kampala (while the truck has some repairs done…).

We ate at an amazing Thai restaurant in Kampala for dinner and then headed to bed…traveling days can really wear you out!

NOV 29

Well…this is it. Last day in country. I’m so not ready for this to be over. In worship during church this morning, I started getting really emotional. We’d be singing and my mind would start replaying an image from this past month and my eyes would immediately well up with tears and I’d have to stop singing and re-gain control. Then I’d start singing and it would happen all over again. I literally thought I was going to have to leave at one point. There’s just so much to think about, so much to process, so much I’ve grown to love, so much I’m going to miss…

After church, Matt, Amy, and I headed to the Garden City mall for some final shopping. We did a sufficient amount of damage…I finished Christmas shopping which I’m very happy about!

We had dinner at a delicious Indian restaurant then had a taxi come pick us up and take us to the airport in Entebbe. It was so special to have everyone there to send me off. I had a very tearful goodbye…so hard to leave.

These people have become so precious to me, and the new level of relationship that I have with Matt and Amy is truly priceless. They are more like brother and sister to me now than ever before. What an amazing thing to have been able to experience this month with them.

Now I’m sitting on the airplane on my way to Amsterdam then on to Detroit and Nashville. I must honestly say that I’m excited to go home and see everyone, but I’m not ready to leave. It doesn’t seem like that long ago that I was sitting in this same position on the plane, awaiting the month ahead with so much anticipation. I had no idea what it would entail. But this month truly has been more than I could have ever asked or imagined. I have learned an unbelievable amount. My worldview has been shattered. My position on missions has been changed. My view of Africans ahs been altered while my love for them has grown exponentially. There’s so much to process and so much to think about. But I have much to bring home.

Now that I have seen, I am responsible.

never a dull moment...

2009-11-26T09:48:00.000-08:00

Nov 23

Well I suspected that today would be a short, boring entry because it was just a travel day, but I'm starting to learn that I should never expect an uneventful day here. Our driver from Kampala picked Matt, Amy, and me up at around 8:00 this morning. When we arrived in Jinja we requested him to give us a little time at a craft market that we heard was really good there. In only about 45 minutes time we did a sufficient amount of damage at the market...stocked up on some Christmas gifts!

We arrived in Kampala and met Rev James at what is becoming one of our favorite places to eat in Uganda - Javas! You can get all kinds of things there that you can't typically find like cheese and cilantro and real ketchup and most importantly...Diet Coke! So we had a delicious lunch then our driver took us to the bust "station" where we barely missed the first bus so we had to start a second bus which meant sitting on the bus in the heat for an hour until it was completely full. And by that , I mean they don't take off until every single seat in that thing is taken. We did, however make our own excitement...Matt and I ate our first grasshopper (we couldn't convince Amy to do it).

It was fairly awful...the taste wasn't bad. It was more...mmm...the texture. I could actually feel the different parts of it as I crunched it and it was a bit difficult to swallow. But how could you come to Africa and not eat at least one insect, right?!

Anyway, once the bus was totally packed, we took off (around 3:30). What was awesome was that when we hit the edge of town about 10 minutes later, we got stopped at the police check point and after almost TWO hours of sitting on that hot bus crammed full with people, we had to get a new driver (long story as to why...) but we didn't leave Kampla until after 5:00. It was a long, uncomfortable ride to Mubende. It was dark by the time we got there and when we arrived at around 7:45, there was this massive group of merchants standing outside the bus door putting baskets of food in front of our faces trying to get us to buy. It was pretty chaotic. We had to take "boda-bodas" (motorcycles) to another gas station...first experience on a "boda"...was really pretty fun! At the station, Reverend had to work at convincing a local driver to give us a ride to nearby Kikumuro and he allowed us to join the other in the car, which made EIGHT of us in a 6-seater car. After yet another really uncomfortable 45-minute ride, we finally arrived in Kikumuro where Bob met us in the truck.

He took us the rest of the way to Nyamarwa. We had a slight delay on the road because a semi truck had flipped completely over and that kind of accident causes major issues on roads as tiny as these.

We arrived at Kibbuse and had a super late dinner at 10:00. We hadn't eaten since 1:00 so we were a bit hungry.

What a day...left Mbale a little after 8:00 AM and didn't arrive in Nyamarwa until 14 hours, 5 different types transportation, and one grasshopper later. We should sleep fairly well tonight...

much to say about mbale

2009-11-24T03:54:00.000-08:00

I guess I should maybe backtrack a little here and explain why we have chosen to spend a few days back with the Mbale team. During our first whirlwind visit here, we learned a GREAT deal about how much we don’t know and about how much we need to be under/alongside some people who have experience on the field and can help us in decision making, etc. The Mbale Mission Team is truly an answer to prayer. I am not 100% sure what our long-term relationship looks like with them, but I know that there is much that we are excited about (as is our church’s leadership team) as far as their church planting “system” goes. What’s crazy is that they have been praying for other churches to come alongside them as they seek to plant churches across this country and seek to claim this country for God. Their goal is to have at least one church planted in every district of Uganda (I think there are 81 districts). The disctrict in which we are looking to possibly get involved is right in the middle of an area of Uganda where they have no churches. It’s like we were meant to be together! J

Anyway, Matt, Amy, and I (along with our leadership team) determined that it would be extremely beneficial for us to spend more time with the team here in Mbale and just soak up every bit of information that we possibly could about missions, about their projects, about the culture. And boy have we ever been doing that…

NOV 20

Today was yet another day PACKED full of information! My brain is completely fried. I mean, I would have it no other way, but wow…I’m tired.

The day started out with the women’s prayer breakfast at 6:30 at a nearby hotel. All of the women on the Mbale Mission Team meet once a week to spend an hour in prayer. One of the things I have learned beyond a shadow of the doubt is that if I were to decide to do long-term missions, I would absolutely have to do it with a team. There’s just no way that I could do it alone. You have to have some people around you who are coming from the same framework you’re coming from who can support you, encourage you, pray for you, and just have fun with you. The Mbale Mission team spends a lot of time together and are an amazing support system for each other. You just have to have it…and they would all agree with that statement.

After the prayer meeting, the women have breakfast together and then we headed up to MTI for more training! This morning we were given a timeline of the Mbale Mission Team’s history and how all of the programs came to be. Very interesting stuff. It’s amazing how LONG-term their vision is for this place. They have committed that they will go as far and as long as God calls them. They say that they don’t want to limit God with their dreams.

After lunch, we learned about the structure of the Mbale Mission Team and how they function as a group. It’s interesting how they are such a huge ministry and are functioning so well in many areas, but they are still in DESPERATE need – need of money but also a real need for people! Because of the ever-expanding ministry, they are in constant need of more people and more support. As we were discussing all of the various ministries, I asked if they have much going on as far as youth or children’s ministry goes. I know that a HUGE part of the population in this country is under the age of 20, so the need to reach the youth of this country is huge. Interestingly, they don’t have much going on for the youth in all of their programs, and they said that it is definitely toward the top of their priority list. They are in need of someone to come over and begin some sort of youth program within their ministry…hmmmm…

We also had a very condensed version of their “African Friends and Money Matters” training. It is crazy, crazy how polar opposite our ideas of money are from Africans. It’s been good to actually live and interact with people for a few weeks before this training, because it’s helping us to really see and experience the truths of what we are learning.

When I got back to the Tylers, I had an amazing treat awaiting me – a sandwich. I can’t remember the last time I had a sandwich. It’s one of the food items that I didn’t realize I’d miss until I didn’t have it. So I piled that thing crazy high with lettuce (which we never have), tomato, cheese (which we also never have), avocado…and savored every single bite.

I spent most of the rest of the night working on our presentation for tomorrow night. I kinda feel like I’m back in college and working on some big group project, but it really was cool to obtain a lot of information on our own as opposed to being “lectured” on it.

My brain is literally worn out.

NOV 21

I forgot to mention that I had prepared to take a shower last night, but as I was reaching in to the shower trying to adjust the water (because we have HOT WATER HERE!!!), I saw out of the corner of my eye, about 4 inches from my face on the shower curtain, a roach that was probably about 2/3 the size of my palm. That thing crawled over the top of the shower curtain and into the shower…I didn’t end up taking a shower last night. J So that was first thing this morning.

Today we got to be part of the 9^th Annual MTI (Messiah Theological Institute) Graduation. MTI was birthed out of a need for leadership training. As the team here continues to plant churches all over Uganda (as well as Kenya and Sudan), they must continually be training up leaders to preach and teach. Many courses are designed to equip leaders of church communities (not limited by denomination or tradition) to facilitate the spiritual development of the people around them. It is an ever-growing institution. Last year, the school offered 52 different courses, and the number continues to grow each year.

It really is amazing what all is happening with MTI and even more amazing realizing that my home church in Texas has invested so much into that school. To have the opportunity to see the fruits of that investment has been so awesome.

This morning there were 26 Ugandans and Kenyans who graduated from MTI. These are people who will go back to their homes and their districts to be pastors, teachers, church leaders, and even church planters. The ceremony was really fun to be a part of, and then they served lunch afterward.

Amy and Matt came over to the Tyler’s (where I’m staying) after lunch and we put the final touches on our MTI Presentation. Tonight many members of the team came over for dinner and we grilled out. People brought over all kinds of amazing dishes, but I have to say that my favorite was the Snickerdoodle and Oatmeal No-bake cookies. J

After dinner, we pulled out the guitar and songbooks and sat around the living and sang worship songs. I can’t remember the last time I did that…it was so great. I just love seeing the cohesiveness and the relationships that the team members have with one another…it really feels like family.

After singing, Matt, Amy and I did our presentation on MTI. I will not bore you with what the presentation was about, but thankfully it didn’t appear to bore everyone else too much, so that was a relief! We enjoyed some more hanging out afterward, and by the time everyone was out the door, we were ready to CRASH!

Nov 22

Today we had the opportunity to go with the Tylers for a visit to one of the village churches – one of the hundreds that they have been part of planting.

We were surprised to arrive and see how nice the church was – brick building, cement floors, ELECTRICITY…it was a very nice set-up. Of course, we soon found out that it’s probably theionly church plant that has electricity and one of only four or five of their churches that actually has the money to have a keyboard. Apparently, the church was built by one of the most wealthy men in that area. This man owns a few businesses and is responsible for the building and all of the nice things that the church has. This, of course, means that he has all of the power in that church. He calls all the shots and stood in the back during the whole service and basically regulated everything. You could tell very easily that he was the big man in charge.

Sean later told us that they do not allow him to teach or preach at the church because he has two wives. I guess I haven’t mentioned this yet, but polygamy is a huge issue in Uganda. This goes back to their roots as a country, but it is a huge problem and one of the major issues that the church deals with. But one of the rules that the Mbale church planting team has is that anyone in the church who currently practices polygamy is not allowed to hold any sort of leadership role in that church at all.

We were once again given the seats of honor at the front of the church and treated with all sorts of honor and respect. They asked us to each say a few words to the church. Afterward, they all surrounded us (particuarlly all the little kids) and greeted us and thanked us for coming. The little kids had written notes to give each of us. Here’s what one of mine said:

if that doesn't just make you melt...

After lunch, we were escorted to the “head honchos” home where we were served lunch. Today I had something new…bamboo cooked with banana leaves. It was actually pretty tasty. After lunch, we drove back to Mbale and had a little time to debrief and get some more of the history behind the church we had visited. Really interesting stuff.

Tonight we went to the Community Bible Study school that the Mbale team attends each Sunday night. It is a Bible Study made up of missionaries from all over the area. It was really cool to meet people who had come from literally all over the world to serve God in Uganda. In that room we had Australia, England, Palestine and the United States all represented. It made for a really interesting Bible Study discussion. I am just so thankful that the Mbale team is intentionally doing things to feed themselves while they're on the field. It’s so vital to their own spiritual health and the health of their ministries.

We had an amazing meal after the study and then headed home to pack. It’s back to Nyamarwa tomorrow…

soooo much to learn....

2009-11-22T10:13:00.000-08:00

Anyway, Matt, Amy, and I (along with our leadership team) determined that it would be extremely beneficial for us to spend more time with the team here in Mbale and just soak up every bit of information that we possibly could about missions, about planting churches, about their projects, about the culture. And boy have we ever been doing that…

NOV 20

Today was yet another day PACKED full of information! My brain is completely fried. I would have it no other way, but wow…I’m tired.

We also had a very condensed version of their “African Friends and Money Matters” training. It is crazy, crazy how polar opposite our ideas of money are from Africans. A few examples:

Money is to be spent before friends or relatives ask to borrow it.
If something is not actively being used, it is considered available.
Budgeting, in a formal sense, is not an accepted way of handling personal finances.
A network of friend is a network of resources.
A loan is eligible to be repaid when the creditor's need becomes greater than the debtor's need.

And the list goes on from there...the handout received listed 62 different observations about African cultural values and provides a counter Western value. Very interesting stuff...and stuff we have already been experiencing as truth here. It’s been good to actually live and interact with people for a few weeks before this training, because it’s helping us to really see and experience the truths of these statements.

After training, Matt, Amy, and I spent some time working on our presentation for our MTI Research. When I got back to the Tylers, I had an amazing treat awaiting me – a sandwich. I can’t remember the last time I had a sandwich. It’s one of the food items that I didn’t realize I’d miss until I didn’t have it. So I piled that thing crazy high with lettuce (which we never have), tomato, cheese (which we also never have), avocado…and savored every single bite.

My brain is literally worn out.

a bit of a shock to the system...

2009-11-21T04:57:00.000-08:00

NOV 19

Today was a challenging, exciting, inspiring, overwhelming…and in the end, a hard day. My entire view of Africa and those who live here has been shaken to the core. I have to share something that may make some people sad…maybe even a little upset. But I’m sharing what I am starting to believe more and more while being here…and it’s something that I’ve now heard straight from the mouth of Americans who have lived in this area for almost 30 years. It’s hard to argue with that.

I have somewhat been subscribing to this idea of “I Need Africa More Than Africa Needs Me”. Some westerners (which used to include myself) may believe that although Africans may not have the material possessions that we have, they have the things that really matter – joy, peace, faith, selflessness, community. And we may start to think that in reality, we need the things that they have more than they need the things that we have. Today I learned that my perspective of what they “have” is not entirely accurate.

We have basically been bombarded with information today from the Mbale team. First of all, Matt, Amy, and I have been asked to do a bit of a research project ourselves about the Messiah Theological Institute here, and we will be giving a presentation to the Mbale team at the end of our time here. So we started working some on that project almost immediately upon our arrival to MTI this morning.

Later this afternoon I sat through a cultural orientation which Shawn Tyler and Philip Sharo gave us. Philip has been here 11 years and Shawn has been here 28 years…they know their stuff. It completely knocked my socks off. There is entirely too much information for me to include here, but the thing that has really altered my thinking about Africans as a whole is that when we look at them, we really only see their external actions. But behind every action is a value and behind every value is a truth. Many mission teams come in and simply try to change the actions but never change the core truths of a society. That’s why they say that in Africa, Christianity is a mile wide and an inch thick. There are many who claim to be Christians, but there is very little depth to their faith and their beliefs (…sound familiar?).

Anyway, to know the reasons behind the way people act, we must first determine what they value and eventually get down to what they believe is true. And the values and truths of Africans are very different than the values and truths of Americans, particularly American Christians. At their very core, we learned that the basic truth under which Africans operate is that life is cyclical. It’s way too long to explain here, but what it boils down to is that they believe that what happens on earth is determined by the spiritual powers of the “living dead”…or basically spirits of people who have died. This is why witchcraft is such a huge issue in Africa and it has a major impact on what they value and on how they live. It’s a long explanation as to how these connect, but because of this core truth, a couple of their major core values are respect and the “appearance” of relationship. They live by this idea of “give respect and get something back”. So their actions are driven by this idea…this is why you see such amazing hospitality, welcoming words, people kneeling, people appearing to live at peace with each other, people appearing to love and care for one another. To us Americans, it appears that they are living such godly, selfless lives (and of course some of them genuinely are), but it’s because we are looking at them through our grid of values and truth. For many Africans, these actions are driven by the belief that when you respect others, you will get something back or you will be blessed.

I asked if Philip and Shawn were basically saying that what we see is a façade and in reality, there are selfish motives behind these things that appear so good and godly from the outside. The sad answer to this question was “yes”. And there are two reasons why I tend to believe this is true:

1. This is coming from people who have been here for almost 30 years.

2. It has been hard for me to understand how Africans could truly be displaying the fruits of the spirit in such abundance when in actuality, many of these people don’t actually HAVE the Holy Spirit, don’t know anything about God, haven’t surrendered their lives to them, and don’t have any sort of personal relationship with Him.

So Philip made this very poignant statement: “How could you expect to come into a country where there is VERY little God but expect to see TRUE joy, peace, and selflessness? You cannot truly have those things apart from God. So what you see is the appearance of joy and peace and selflessness, but the reality is that often, it is only the APPEARANCE of these things, and in the end, they are marked by selfish motivations.”

It makes sense…I may struggle with having what appears to me is the joy and patience and selflessness of the people here. But the reality is that I know Jesus and I know the freedom and the LIFE that comes from being in relationship with Him. Many, MANY, people in this country do not have that. They are simply living in a culture that tells them to live at peace with people, respect people so that you can get something in return, and make sure that whatever you do, you protect the appearance of your relationship with others.

NOW I MUST CLARIFY SOMETHING HERE: I don’t want it to sound as if I’m saying all Africans are just selfish and none of their external actions are pure. Many of them have true joy and love that comes from the Spirit. Many of them have a deep and vibrant faith. And many of them are truly genuine people in love with the Lord. I’m just saying we can’t look at them from our American “grid” and take everything at face value. Maybe our African brothers and sisters are in much greater need than we have realized (…or maybe it’s just more than what I realized). Maybe they need what we have (and by that, I mean Jesus) much more than we need what they have. By no means does this mean that we are superior…it simply means that they need Jesus.

It’s been a somewhat sad realization for me…like someone just popped my little happy balloon. But it is the tough reality. And one that I’m very thankful to be learning.

During the late afternoon, we attended the youth gathering which Shawn facilitates each week at the Mbale Church. When they say “youth” here, it can mean anyone from 13 years old to 28 years old. So apparently, I’m still a “youth” here! J Shawn had Matt, Amy, and I sit in front and told the kids to ask us anything and everything that they want to ask. And as Matt said, they weren’t exactly throwing us softballs. They asked about marriage and dating and sex and they asked about the problems that youth in America are facing and what advice we would give them as youth of Uganda…really great questions.

We had dinner tonight with two of the Ugandan missionaries that work with the Mbale team – James and Noeli Luchivya. Noeli prepared an amazing meal for us then they walked us through their “steps” program on the process of planting a church in Uganda. They basically have this organization that is an umbrella under which all of the church plants fall called the New Testament Churches of Christ. And basically when someone wants to plant a church under that umbrella, they have a distinct list of steps that must be followed before they consider it an established church. It includes multiple seminars and teachings on the basics of faith and what it means to be a follower of Christ and also involves the preacher/teacher of that congregation having biblical training at MTI. The process is a really great one, and makes sure that all of the churches are unified in their core beliefs.

James and Noeli are amazing…they are an awesome picture of two people who have been trained up and discipled by this mission team and are now going out and making disciples all over this country. They are basically in charge of the entire rural development program now. Awesome story.

I’m learning more and more about how much I don’t know...

rarely a dull moment...

2009-11-20T12:41:00.000-08:00

This little girl's name is Mary. She is the daughter of one of the teachers at the Kibbuse school named Madam Olivia. I love her.

I'm playing a little catch-up on the ol' blog, so bear with me here...

NOV 17

Today turned into quite the interesting day...

We took two truckfuls of people to Kikumoro for a Bible study training seminar. And when I say "truckfuls", I mean like 7 people in the cab made for 5 people and 11-12 people sitting in the bed of the truck. It was basically a seminar training people on the basics of how to lead a small group Bible study. It was a good training, but what was NOT so good was when it got to be noon, then 1:00, then 2:00, then 3:00...and no lunch. The seminar ended and we soon found out that the seminar leaders had requested us to have lunch at 1:00 but the hosts didn't even go to buy the food until 1:00. So we were served "lunch" when the seminar ended at 4:00.

Matt, Amy, and I were taken into the church reverend's home for lunch and after eating, Bob and Brenda left to take the first truckload of people back. We stayed in the house to talk with people a little more and eventually decided to go back out because we knew the truck would soon be back for the second load. And when we walked outside, we saw no one - no teachers, no students...no one from Kibbuse. We couldn't imagine where any of them would've gone.

So we walked into town, found no one, walked back to the church and waited...and waited...and waited. No one. And of course our cell phone were getting no coverage in that area so we couldn't call anyone. We had waited for a good couple of hours with no sign of anyone from our village. I'm not gonna lie...I started getting a little worried. Especially when it started getting dark. We decided to walk back into town to try and find a phone. While standing in the middle of town trying to get through to someone, we turned and saw that blessed red truck coming down the street with a bed full of people. We were quite happy to see them, needless to say.

But the excitement of the evening wasn't over.

It had rained hard that afternoon, so the roads were awful. The first stuck car we came across forced us to go completely off the side of the road to where we were almost completely on our side. Matt said if we'd driven another 6 inches, we would've tipped over. It forced everyone in the back to jump out of the truck.

Toward the last half of the drive, we found ourselves face-to-face with a big truck that had gotten stuck. Once again, everyone had to jump out and we had to try numerous "routes" of getting around that thing. We were halfway in the ditch with the other half in the grass and bushes (on a steep hill at that).

Needless to say, there were plenty of cheers and applause when we got on the other side of that truck. Something I've noticed: with all of the uncomfortable, annoying, frustrating, and difficult situations we've found ourselves in, you never hear any of the Ugandans complain or gripe. They typically just laugh their way through it all. Amazing the way it changes a situation.

NOV 18

We had to get up early this morning, because it's off to Mbale we go!...one end of the country to the other.

We left Nyamarwa at around 7:30 AM and headed to a nearby town with Bob and James. On the way, we stopped to pick up this little boy who James was taking to the hospital in Kampala. Apparently this little boy has been having eye problems (bad vision, itching, watering) for the past year or two and none of the local physicians have been able to figure out what's wrong. I fell in love with this little boy almost immediately. I don't think we got a word out of him the entire day, but we did catch a couple of smiles. He was perfectly well behaved and had the sweetest eyes. I'm anxious to hear what the doctors said.

We arrived at Mityana (Bob's stopping place) and the rest of us boarded a taxi to Kampala. Taxis here are not like taxis in the states. Taxis are like these mini vans that are supposed to seat around 15 but we crowded at least 17 in. They're known to be quite a wild ride, but our driver took it easy on us.

When we got to Kampala, all chaos ensued. It was worse than the first day when we came. It was just this massive mangled mess of vehicles, bicycles, motorcycles, and people all over the streets. There was no order whatsoever. And we got stuck in a jam where literally people were just turning off their cars in the middle of the street waiting to move. It was hot, loud, and I was ready to get out of there.

We eventually made it to our car rental place where we had a car and a driver ready to take us the rest of the way to Mbale. We dropped the little boy and Rev James off at the doctor, grabbed a DELICIOUS lunch at Java's (had some good ol' American food...) and then took off on the 3 hour voyage to Mbale.

We arrived at our hotel in Mbale right around the time it was getting dark. We were ecstatic to find that our hotel has hot water...I'm about to take the longest hot shower of my life....

oh...the kids

2009-11-16T21:28:00.000-08:00

NOVEMBER 15

At breakfast, Bob asked if I would be willing to share a brief message/testimony at church this morning. So I had just a few minutes to gather my thoughts and then we headed off to the little evangelical church in the village. It is held in a little mud hut and their drums and some of their benches were borrowed from the Kibbuse school. I love the church services here. I love their simplicity and to be honest, I find their slight disorganization refreshing. They don’t have to have everything perfectly planned out and coordinated. They don’t even start or end at an exact time…definitely a completely different experience that what we’re used to back in the states.

I spoke about John 10:10 and how even though I had grown up in the church and had a great family, my enemy had worked to steal my peace and joy and fulfillment and it wasn’t until I went to college that I learned about the life to the full that Jesus offers. I talked about how the biggest thing that turned my life around was when I started spending DAILY time in the Word and talking with God. So that was my challenge and encouragement to them.

The offering was once again quite entertaining. Those who didn’t have money brought fruit and various produce to be auctioned off and the biggest surprise was when a little boy walked right up the aisle with a little baby goat. There were cheers and applause because apparently it had been well over a year since anyone had offered a goat. It ended up being auctioned off to Chief for 16,000 shillings.

Tonight we were able to make contact with people back home and were able to be skyped in to church and hear a good 2/3 of Bobby’s sermon about their trip here (our connection was pretty bad…). It was an awesome sermon, and it’s obvious that the trip had a big impact on Bobby and the men that were here. You just can’t come here and not be changed…I really do think it’s impossible.

I was also SO excited to talk to Jill, John Mark, and Riley Robinson for a bit on Skype. Again the reception was really bad, but at least I got to see their faces and hear their voices…made my heart happy. I really do miss everyone back home!

NOVEMBER 16

Matt, Amy, and I were asked to share a little at chapel, so we all shared a verse or two that has meant a lot to us personally. I talked about Prov. 16:9 and Rom. 8:28 and how God has often led me to places outside of all my own plans but that in all things He has been working for my very for my very best.

Amy and I went with Madam Olivia and Mary Grace to see their knitting machine and watch them in action. That is definitely one interesting contraption! I went with Madam Olivia and Madam Hope to the Niyamarwa Primary School down the street to take some pictures of kids modeling in the school sweaters that they have made. Brenda asked me to work on a flyer that they could use to promote their knitting business, so we needed a few pictures for the flyer.

I tell you what...the kids around here just about have me ruined. They have completely stolen my heart. There were probably at least 150 kids outside singing and dancing and laughing and playing when we walked up (pictured above). Their principal called them over and all those kids just came charging at us. I took pictures of them and they would all just about smother me trying to see the pictures. I LOVE the noise they make when they see the pictures...it's adorable.

We got some pictures of kids modeling the sweaters, signed the guest book (which, by the way, we are asked to do anywhere we've gone, whether it be a home or a school...everyone has a guest book).

Matt, Amy, Timothy and I spent a good hour or two playing cards, I took an ice cold shower, and then we just hung out for a bit after dinner and headed to bed early. We have an early morning tomorrow!

a little taste of home!

2009-11-14T22:44:00.001-08:00

NOVEMBER 13

Today was cooking day! Matt, Amy and I have been planning to cook a Mexican food meal for everyone and today our new friend, Mandy, from Karagusa is coming to spend the evening with us, so we decided that there would be no better night than tonight!

This morning, Brenda and I cooked a chocolate cake (from scratch, of course…no Betty Crocker cake-in-a-box here…), and I learned that cooking from scratch in Uganda is different than cooking from scratch in the U.S., to say the least. You have to be much more creative and resourceful in your cooking here. Cooking MEXICAN food from scratch proved to be even more of a challenge. So when I say we made refried beans from scratch, for example, I mean like we started by peeling the beans that had come straight from the garden. And our “chips” were chapate bread cut into triangles and baked until they were crispy. Thankfully, we were able to make what I believe is the most important part of any Mexican food meal – guacamole – because avocados are quite popular here. We also made pico de gallo, Mexican rice, and Brenda made this amazing mango relish. We had large round pieces of chapate bread so that people could make soft tacos…I must say, it was delish…and it was kinda nice to get a little taste of home. We called it our Mefrican dinner.

It was the first time Reverend James and Timothy had ever had Mexican food, and they loved it! We just had a great evening together, filled with a lot of laughter. At the end of the night, Timothy said, “I will remember this night for forever.” Adorable.

NOVEMBER 14

Last night, Matt, Amy, and I invited anyone who wanted to join us for a walk to one of the nearby hills to watch the sunrise. We really only expected 4 or 5 people to actually get up that early, but at 5:30 AM we went to the meeting place and literally every student (including Rev James and Madam Hope and Olivia) showed up! We were quite impressed.

Besides the absolutely incredible sky full of stars, it was PITCH black on our walk there and up the hill but slowly it started getting lighter and lighter and a haze started appearing in the between the hills…it was beautiful. Eventually the sun rose and it was amazing. We had a great time singing and praying and laughing on the hill…such a great morning.

Most of my morning was spent putting together a movie of pictures and video of the students and the teachers to show them tonight. It cracks us up how much Ugandans LOVE to have their picture taken…as soon as you snap the pic, you have a crowd of people around you wanting to see it – even people who aren’t in the picture! So we thought they would love to see a video of themselves.

Amy and I went out this afternoon and started making hemp/thread bracelets…and after the first half hour or so, a few students joined us and then some of the village children. We made bracelets for 4 and a half hours! They loved them.

After diner, we showed the students (and a few of the teachers) the video we’d put together. It started with about 5 guys out there, and pretty soon everyone on campus had come outside to watch it. I had to put my computer up high so they could all see it. After watching it, they all asked to see it a second time. They were just laughing and laughing both times through! I leaned over to Matt and Amy at one point and said it was one of the cutest things I’d ever seen. They just looked like one big happy family all crowded around this little screen and having so much fun together. The students here are really starting to capture my heart.

I realized today that I have officially met the half way mark for my time here. I can’t believe it. I’m already dreading leaving here. When we were making bracelets with the kids this afternoon I told Amy, “Man am I gonna ever wish for moments like this whenever I get home!”. I’m afraid that I’m going to really start falling in love with the students here at about the same time that I’m going to have to leave.

Ahhhh…November 29, slow down!

Uganda Diaries - Part VIII

2009-11-13T22:51:00.000-08:00

When I was younger and used to visit my grandparents in the summer, I would write letters to my parents detailing literally every single thing I did - including everything I ate for breakfast and the details of every book I read. I realized that my Uganda blog posts are turning into the same thing, so I've decided to tone it down on the play-by-play of every single day and just talk about the highlights.

Nov 11

This afternoon, Amy, Matt, and I took all of the kids t-shirts that people from Harpeth had donated and we went out to the open field behind the school to hand them out. We went out and there was only one kid on a swing. Then within probably 10 minutes, we had well over 50 kids (and a few moms) crowding around us trying to get a shirt. Most of these little kids were literally wearing tatters, so it was such a blessing to watch them put on a whole article of clothing. The kids were ecstatic. They were jumping around and shrieking and laughing in their new shirts. After we handed out all the shirts we had, we brought out a couple of tennis ball and almost all the kids were on one side of the field while Matt, Amy, and I stood on the other end and threw the tennis balls in the air while they all tried to catch them, racing around and tackling each other, laughing their heads off the whole time. Amazing.

Later this afternoon, Brenda and Bob asked the 3 of us to attend their faculty/staff meeting. It lasted a good couple of hours and the two topics on which we probably spent the most time were:

how the students always take all the food before the teachers get any
what they were going to do about how the hoes always end up missing

...neither of them things that you'd hear discussed at a school staff meeting in the U.S.

Amy taught me how to play backgammon tonight...we needed a little "escape". Matt, Amy, and I had a really good talk tonight and spent some time praying. As amazing as our experience has been here, there are things that have been hard and have been frustrating and we just needed some time to put things into perspective and pray that God would just use us as He sees fit, remove our selfishness, and give us His heart for the people...

Nov 12

I was asked to speak this morning at chapel about the importance of studying the Bible, which of course was not something I could turn down. So I got to speak to the students and the staff about what the Bible has meant to me, how it has changed my life, and how vital it is that they be in the Word. After I was finished speaking, one of the teachers stood up and thanked me then said that he has wanted to be a better student of the Word and has a lot of questions and wondered if I would be willing to discuss them with him. How could I say no to that?! Amy and I talked with him some after chapel and he said that he’s been wanting to get saved but just has a lot of questions. He also said that he’s been failing at following the Bible. Unfortunately, he had to hurry to get to class but I’m really hoping that Matt, Amy, and I can have a chance to meet with him again.

This morning, Amy and I started a project with one of the students, Ida. They recently bought mosquito nets for the beds in the dorms and we had to do a lot of cutting and tying and hanging of nets. It’s quite a project and we barely put a dent in it today.

Tonight after dinner, Matt, Amy and I went for a walk out in the field behind the school. It was PITCH black. We of course had flashlights but every once in a while, we would turn our lights off and it was crazy how dark it was out there. What’s even crazier is that there are a few families who live along the edge of that field in tiny mud huts with no electricity or water, so we could hear the sound of little children’s voices but obviously couldn’t see them.

It’s kinda crazy to think about how those little kids really don’t know anything outside of what they’ve always had. We tend to feel so sorry for them because they don’t have lights and TV and warm showers, but fact is, they don’t really know what it’s like to live in that kind of ease. All they know is that they’ve always had. Fact is, we probably feel a lot more sorry for them than they do for themselves. Of course, it doesn’t diminish their poverty and doesn’t change the fact that they are in physical need. I don’t really know what that’s supposed to mean…just an observation.

you never know...

2009-11-11T04:39:00.000-08:00

NOVEMBER 9

This morning Amy and I set out to do some good ol’ fashioned hand-washing-in-a-tub laundry…our first experience doing that. We felt a little ridiculous having to ask (and re-ask) how exactly to do it. I mean…it’s soap, water, fabric softener, and a line with clothespins…how complicated could it be, right? Either way, we felt quite accomplished after finishing our loads.

After lunch we had a meeting with Bob and Brenda to lay out a game plan for the rest of our time here. It really is amazing how much there is to do here. They are terribly under-staffed and are just in desperate need of man-power. But we basically laid out a list of things that needed to get done and did a little dividing up of responsibilities.

One of my main responsibilities is going to be researching some ways that the school could start some income-generating activities – specifically their “knitting business” that they recently started. Another of my responsibilities is to encourage and talk to the girls about the importance of studying the Bible. I’m trying to help set the stage for what they’re wanting to start at the school next term – small group Bible studies. Exciting stuff! If there’s anything we’ve learned, it’s that there is a HUGE need for discipleship in this country. There are so many people who believe in and even love God, but so few actually know or study the Bible. So I’m excited to help in kicking off these Bible studies. The rest of the day was really just spent doing things around the compound.

Side note: there was a near tarantula-sized spider hanging out in my room when I got in tonight. Pretty sure I’ll never get used to those.

NOVEMBER 10

I love that you never know what each day is going to hold here. I ended up traveling with Bob, Matt, Madame Olivia and “Chief” (both teachers at Kibbuse) to Karagusa where they had some errands to run. Brenda wanted me to have a chance to talk to Olivia about the knitting business that they’re trying to use to generate some income. I was asked to kinda take a look at what they’re doing and offer suggestions for improvement and help determine whether or not it’s even profitable to keep it running. I got to talk to Olivia quite a bit on the ride over and then got to walk with her to a couple of the schools to whom they had sold some sweaters for the students. It’s crazy how very different businesses run in rural Uganda as opposed to the U.S. When people don’t use the internet and don’t use any sort of banking system, it really changes everything. Running a successful business is really difficult here.

On the way to Karagusa the truck started making crazy noises, so they ended up taking it to a little shop in the village where they had to work on it for 3 hoursssss….

So while we were waiting on the car, Matt, Olivia and I walked to a local school where Olivia wanted to do some advertising for their sweater business. On our walk we met up with this girl, named Mandy, from America who is in the Peace Corps and has been living here since February. She is single, in her mid-twenties, and committed to living 27 months by herself in a house with no running water or electricity in a remote Ugandan village. I honestly have no idea how she does it. But she was just awesome and I’m really hoping that Amy and I might be able to hang out with her some…give her some fellow Mizungu company, which she rarely gets.

Matt, Chief, and I also went to the market while waiting on the car to be repaired. We had bought a box of crackers as our lunch and I started handing them out to some of the village children. When I would give one of them a cracker, they would kneel in front of me and bow. I didn’t know what they were doing, but Chief said that they were showing their appreciation and respect by bowing. It was both adorable and really uncomfortable. Gah, I love the kids here.

I had a couple of encounters with what the natives call “mad-men”. They would come up to just yelling and saying things that made no sense…a little unnerving.

We went back to the car repair place and hung out in the gas station for a while then hung out in the back alley (I know…shady) and eventually they finished with the car and we headed back to Nyamarwa. On the way back, I learned the Ugandan National Anthem from Olivia and Chief which was very exciting. I had so much fun getting to know Olivia better today…she is SUCH a joy!

I immediately took a (freezing cold) shower and then we had dinner. The local food is really growing on me…I mean, I’m not gonna lie – I am already excited about having some Blue Coast Burrito when I get home, but I’m really developing a taste for the food here.

I can’t believe I have already been in Uganda for 10 days…which means 1/3 of my time here has already passed. I’m already getting sad about November 29.

crazy week!

2009-11-09T08:15:00.000-08:00

November 7 - We started early this morning because we have quite a road trip ahead of us. We met up with the rest of the group at the Messiah Theological Institute in Mbale (where they train church planters and leaders). Shawn Tyler gave us a tour of the campus and then we got a tour of Good News Productions office (led by our new friend, Vince), where they are using media in this area in all kinds of really cool ways to evangelize. We then were taken to the church in Mbale where the mission team there attends (a church they planted). It was really cool to actually get to see all of these places that I've heard about for years! Shawn, Vince, and Joy (Vince's wife) then took us out to the land they've recently purchased for the building of a university in Mbale. We got to see their plans for the campus and hear their vision for what is to come. So awesome.

We then had to bid them a speedy farewell since we had many miles ahead of us. We knew this was only goodbye for now. I think this is only the beginning of a potentially long relationship with them, which just makes me so excited! I would never have dreamed that Harpeth could end up working alongside my home church from Texas...so crazy.

We made the looonnnng 9-hour trip back to Karaguuza where we met up with Bob, Brenda, and Rev. James for dinner and one final meeting to talk about the next steps in our potential relationship with them. This was our last night with Bob, Lonnie, and David so we had to get a bit of a gameplan together. We ended up getting room and staying out at their hotel...we were wiped out!

November 8 - So today we went to a church service at the Anglican church in Karaguuza where Lonnie's friend, Bishop Nathan, was coming for the confirmation of about 100 young people. The service was quite a production! When we drove up to the church, everyone was already lined up awaiting the Bishop's arrival, and when his car arrived, there were cheers and singing and waving...pretty cool. Then our group ended up going to a house nearby where a feast had been prepared to celebrate Bishop Nathan's coming. After the meal, we all went over to the church for the service. The church was completely packed and there were a ton of people who had to watch from the windows and the doors. There so many people there. The bishop made a grand entrance down the aisles (felt like a parade) and then they proceeded into an almost 4-hour service...wow. I'm not gonna lie, I wasn't sad when we had to get up after the first two hours to leave. The guys had to start their drive to Entebbe because of their flight. So Matt, Amy, and I ended up hanging out outside of the church for the last two hours. There were like a million kids out there. I still have not ceased to be amazed at how many children are here. It honestly feels like they outnumber the adults a good 5 to 1.

They followed us around in masses and like if we sat down somewhere, they would just all crowd around and stare at us. I leaned over to Matt at one point and said, "I feel like we're on display at a museum or something". They just don't see too many "mizungus" around here. Ahhh but they're so sweet and so cute. I love them more and more.

Bob and Brenda came out of the service and said they were going to start taking truckloads of people back home to Niyamarwa. They were going to have to make at least 3 trips back and forth to get everyone back home. So we all got in the truck along with a back end full of little kids. They endured the tough ride back home (which included a good deal of rain) with so much fun and laughter. Those kids sang almost the whole 45 minute ride back. Man....I envy their joy.

Anyway, we got back and have just been hanging around the house and getting a few things done here. Lonnie, David, and Bobby should be in the air by now. It will be weird without them here now, but we're looking forward to being planted for a bit here in Nyamarwa. It's been an INSANE week...

stay tuned!

an unexpected, amazing evening!

2009-11-08T05:49:00.000-08:00

NOV 6

Wow…what a day.

Craziest story: my home church in Lubbock, TX has had missionaries over in Eastern Uganda ever since before I was born. I have known about all of the work they’ve been doing in Mbale and I have had close friends who have lived over there (including my best friend who lived there for a year). In fact, I would say that my heart for Uganda began when I was a little girl because of the work that my home church has been doing there for so many years.

Before this trip, I had looked to see where we would be living in comparison to Mbale and it was basically on the other side of the country. So I was a little bummed that there was probably no way that I would be able to make it over there to see any of them.

At dinner last night, I heard Lonnie and Bobby talking about wanting to go visit some people in the Mbale district, which got me kinda excited because I knew how close that was to where so many of my friends had lived (and were currently living!). As the conversation progressed throughout the night, I heard them talking about how the people they were wanting to meet are some people who have a training school for church planters from a Church of Christ, which got me even more interested, because I knew that’s what my Texas church was involved in. And when Lonnie said the guy’s name was Shawn, I was like, “uhhh…you’re not talking about Shawn Tyler, are you?!”…and yes, you guessed it…it was the exact same group of people that my home church from Texas has been supporting for almost 30 years…my FAMILY from childhood.

C-R-A-Z-Y

So long story short: we headed to Mbale today to meet with people I have known since I was born. It was an insane 8-hour trip to get there, but we had no idea how worth it that trip would be.

We arrived in Mbale at around 5:00 PM and went straight to Shawn and Linda Tyler’s house to meet with them. It was just so great to see them again. I got caught up on all of the happenings with the missionaries from my home church, and also just got to catch up on life with them. But pretty much as soon as we sat down in their living room, Bobby started grilling Shawn with questions. J It was unbelievable how much helpful information, advice, and questions Shawn was able to shoot back at us. Soon many other members of their team arrived (including Philip Sharo, who is another guy that I’ve heard about for years but never had a chance to meet) and we had an amaaaaazing Texas barbecue meal! They totally spoiled us with barbecue beef, cole slaw, and potato salad…and don’t forget the sweet tea! It’s like we had been temporarily transported back home…so great. And then chocolate cake and coffee for dessert. We tried to soak in every morsel of food, because we sure aren’t typically eating like that!

The rest of the night was spent in their living room and we were soaking up LOADS of information from their team. They had so much helpful advice and wisdom to share with us. Shawn and Linda have been doing ministry in East Africa for 28 years, so it is crazy how much they have learned in their time here. They are a super well-oiled machine. They have 3 permanent families along with about 4 singles here working with them along with interns and other short-term visitors. They have 3 major ministries along with lots of other small side ministries. They have been part of planting hundreds of churches in Uganda, Kenya, and Sudan. It’s amazing how much God has done through them…and it’s interesting because I’ve heard about all of these different ministries since I was a little girl, but it’s not until I’m here and seeing it in this culture that I can really understand how awesome they are. We have so, so much to learn from them. A few specific things I will take from tonight (among hundreds…):

We’ve heard about (and seen) the high population of children here, but we were told that 75% of Ugandans are under the age of 20! That’s crazy…but it means that the need for people to reach the children and youth of this country is absolutely vital.
Islam has targeted Uganda as one of its main focuses. And it is systematically taking over villages and towns by building all sorts of infrastructure (schools, stores, restaurants, etc) in order to bring people in. There is a major need for people to come and fight the infiltration of Islam in this country.
Don’t limit God by your plans. This was said by someone on the Mbale team tonight. We come in to mission work – or ANY work for that matter – with all of these plans on how long and what we’ll do and what it will look like when it’s done and then God will do all kinds of things that take us away from our “plans”. We have to be so open to that. And we have to stop planning in a way that doesn’t allow for flexibility. You will often end up doing things you didn’t think you’d be doing and the end “product” ends up looking totally different than what you’d imagined. But God’s ways are so much higher and greater than our own.

I was starting to go down a certain way of thought in my own personal philosophy of missions before this trip, and I would say that my way of thinking was absolutely challenged tonight. It’s hard to argue with people who have been doing this for 30 years. And it’s even harder to not get FIRED UP after listening to them for 4 hours share their vision for this country. We were so encouraged and challenged by our time with them. In fact, Bobby and Lonnie want Matt, Amy, and I to come back at some point and spend more time with them, just soaking up everything we possibly can. I think it’s safe to say that if Uganda is where Harpeth decides to plant itself, we will be closely working with the missionaries in Mbale, no matter what region we may be planted. They know what they are doing and as Elias (our driver) said after our time with them: “They know Africa”.

It’s just SO CRAZY to see my worlds colliding in this way. My church in Lubbock, TX meeting up with my church in Franklin, TN and now talking about potential partnership in a little country in East Africa…it’s just totally crazy to me.

We stayed up talking to them until after midnight…there’s SO much to digest and to think about after tonight’s discussion. I’m hoping that sleep won’t be TOO hard to come by tonight…

a hard one...

2009-11-06T14:25:00.000-08:00

WOOHOO!!! Finally got one picture up! Took like 15 minutes to upload...so yeah, you're not gonna be seeing many until I'm back in the states...

Nov 5 - Woke up this morning, and PRAISE GOD, Amy and Matt were feeling much better. Thanks to all of you for your prayers for them!

However, we got very sad news before we left town. One of the male students at the Kibbuse school came to Bob and Brenda to tell them he'd just found out that his father had died. He needed to go home for the burial so they paid for public transportation to get him home. It's weird, because there just really wasn't a huge deal made out of it...it's a common thing. People die here a lot. It was only the beginning of what was going to be a difficult day.

Today we traveled to a town called Hoima, which is one of the larger towns in the country and is about 3 hours away from Niyamarwa. When we arrived we met a good friend of Lonnie's and Bob's named Thad Cox, who is an American who's been very involved in the development of this area. A woman who works with Thad also met us as well as a little baby named Grace. Grace was absolutely ADORABLE...(pictures soon to come). Apparently, Baby Grace was found left for dead in a grassy area and when they found her, she was basically just skin and bones. Now she is a healthy baby with big ol' chubby cheeks. She fell asleep in my arms at lunch...wonderful.

After lunch, we were taken to the Hoima Hospital. We were given a tour of the campus and some of the buildings. I was not prepared for what I was going to see.

First of all, this was what is considered a "second tier" hospital, which means that there is only one hospital in all of Uganda that is of better quality. But when I went in to these buildings, I was just overwhelmed.

We first went in to the building where they house those who have accidents, so we saw burn victims and we saw people who had broken bones, etc. One particular girl's story just broke my heart: First of all, every child at the hospital has to have two (outside) caretakers with them or they are not able to be treated and given the care they need. Well this little girl (probably around 7 or 8 years old) had been badly burned on her leg and had some sort of procedure done. Apparently there had been some disputes among family members regarding the accident, and both of her parents ended up leaving her there alone. With no caretakers present, this girl was unable to get the proper care and she ended up developing staph infection in her leg. Now they may have to amputate her entire leg. At the very least, she is going to lose a couple of her toes. It was heartbreaking. There were many other people lying around with huge bandages wrapped around their feet or their arms and you could see blood seeping through the bandages. And we heard other stories...stories that you just don't hear in the U.S.

We also went into the children's ward where we were literally walking through a sea of people and crying children. We were told that most of the cases there were malaria. It was unbelievable just looking around at the babies laying all over the cement floor sweating, crying, and writhing in pain and wondering how many of them would survive the illness. In children under the age of five, malaria can be especially deadly. I had to bite my lip hard as we left that building...I was on the verge of losing it in front of a lot of people.

The last building we went to was the gynecological ward. Amy and I were actually taken into a "labor room" where a woman was having labor pains...quite a thing to see, to say the least. I was pretty anxious to get out of that room. As we passed by a bed with a newborn laying on it, i couldn't help but look at that little baby and just be saddened by the difficulties that were ahead for it living in this environment. And I could just imagine that there is a little newborn baby laying somewhere in the states, and neither of these babies had any say as to where they were born or where they would grow up. But one will be living in comfort and ease while the other will be living in hardship. But really...as Matt Chandler says, we are all "cut from the same cloth" aren't we? Or to quote another..."we're one but we're not the same...".

One of the major struggles with the hospital there is that they are understaffed and don't have near enough room. That is why all the patients must have caretakers with them...they just don't have the staff to take care of all of them. There were also so many patients that they didn't have enough beds and there were many who had to bring something from home to lay on the floor in between beds. Every building was terribly over-crowded and since there is not near enough room for the caretakers and visitors inside the buildings, you had people just lining the outside perimeters of all of the buildings.

What was really hard was also hearing about how many people would come to the hospital, get treated, but then because they don't have clean water or sanitary conditions in their homes, they will go home and either get worse, or might even die.

It has probably been on of the most eye-opening, heart-wrenching days of the trip thus far.

After the visit to the hospital, we went back to the hotel, laid low for a bit, and then had dinner with a guy named Godfrey, who is a friend of Lonnie's and Bob's. I feel like everyone I meet now becomes "one of my favorites", but Godfrey truly is one of the most genuinely kind, on-fire-for-God people we have met. He was a breath of fresh air after a difficult day.

african adventures!

2009-11-04T10:46:00.000-08:00

I'm sad that I can't get pictures to upload...we have a million (for those who know me, that is no surprise :). So you'll just have to stay tuned...hoping to get some pictures up ASAP.

November 3 – Today we piled in the truck and headed to a town called Kigade. The drive was roughhhh but beautiful. We visited another vocational school there called URDT (Ugandan Rural Development Training). It is basically the kind of school that James and Bob dream of having, so they wanted us to visit so that we could better understand his vision. The school was incredible. We got to meet with one of the directors for a while and learned all about their history and their programs. They offer so much! Not only do they have vocational skill classes, but they also have classes on entrepreneurship and business management. They really equip these students for their future. It was great to literally “see” the vision that James has had for Kibbuse all along.

We got a tour of the campus and had lunch together. While we were at the school, Bob and David were with Bobby at another location, where he spoke to a group of people about discipleship. Apparently there is a cult that was started by a man in this area that many people were part of. The man claimed to be one of the “Spirits of God”, completely denies the existence of Jesus, and says the Bible was full of myths and fables. Recently there was a revival where a large number of people left the cult. Now there is a group of people trying to reach out and follow up with those who left the cult. ..these were the people to whom Bobby was speaking. An awesome opportunity for him!

James had to leave our group because his wife, Ida, has gotten sick. They hope it is just malaria but she went to the doctor to have blood work done to be sure. We still haven’t heard from them on the results.

We headed to the men’s hotel for dinner and just to relax for a bit then Bob, Matt, Amy, and I headed back to Niyamarwa. Our days have been full…we are TIRED

November 4 – I woke up this morning to some bad news. First of all, it has been confirmed that Ida has milaria. And Matt and Amy had been up all night because Matt got really sick. When we called the men (who were coming this way) to let them know, we found out that Bobby had gotten sick and wasn’t coming and David wasn’t feeling really well either. We have been racking our brains all day trying to figure out what it was that made everyone sick…we still aren’t sure.

Elias drove Lonnie, David, Amy, and me out to see the Kibbuse Foundation Good Samaritan clinic. It is the only clinic in that specific area and was only built about 4 years ago. The closest one to it is a good half hour drive away, which means that before it was built, people were having to walk all of that distance when they got sick. And sometimes they arrive at the clinic only to find out that the clinic doesn’t have the medicine they need and then they have to walk to the next one! We talked to the nurse who works at the clinic (which is basically just a one-room building and the nurse’s family lives on the other half) and heard from her about how the clinic operates. We also heard some stories about the corruption in the healthcare world here…it really is amazing how much we take for granted.

On the way back to Kibbuse, Amy started getting sick and she’s been down for the rest of the day. We got back, had a light lunch, and then just hung around the school for the rest of the day. I sat with some of the girls and watched them weave and sew, they taught me how to drum, David spoke to the students about flying airplanes (they were so enthralled…many of them have never even seen one), and we just got to work around the school and relax a little. We have a long day planned for tomorrow.

Our sicklies are still sick…please be praying for a QUICK and full recovery!

first 3 days!

2009-11-03T10:39:00.000-08:00

(First of all, I tried uploading pictures, but our internet connection here is insanely slow...so pictures may have to come later...sad...)

Oh man…how to put the past 3 days into one post!!?!

I am in love with this place. I am in LOVE with these people. I’m already frustrated thinking about trying to communicate what it has been like, but I’ll give it a shot…

We arrived in Entebbe on Friday night at around 9 PM and were picked up by Rev. James Adyeri (one of the founders of the Kibbuse school) and our driver for the trip, Elias. James is an incredibly inspiring, humble, godly man and Elias…well, Elias has quickly become one of my favorite people here. They took us to our hotel in Entebbe where we spent the night…

DAY 1:

James and Elias drove us all to Kampala (the capital of Uganda) where we did a little shopping and picked up a computer that we’d bought for the Kibbuse school since theirs broke. I was pretty blown away by how crazy busy and chaotic Kampala was. The streets were PACKED full of cars, people, and “boda-bodas” (motorcycles)…and the driving was even crazier. It was like New York City driving on steroids…and with no lanes.

We met Bob and Brenda (missionaries at the Kibbuse school who have arranged our entire trip) for lunch and then we departed to the village of Mityana (Rev. James’ hometown). We got to see James’ home, meet his wife, Ida, who is just a heartwarming woman, and also met his two cows, their pigs, and their chickens. J James and Ida have been living in their current house for 27 years. It is a tiny, tiny 3-room little house with no doors and mold inside. James has been working on building a new house for his family for over 5 years and there is still much to be done…it was one of those moments when you just wanted to write a quick check and tell him it’s done and paid for. The patience of the people here has truly blown me away.

We also got to visit the small local orphanage that currently houses 10 little orphan girls. Once I met them, I was done for. The men went back to the hotel, but I stayed and played with the girls for a couple of hours. They sang songs for me, told me stories, gave me a tour of their home…it was wonderful. I got to join them for praise and worship and prayers, and was so struck by the fact that these 10 little girls, whose parents have ALL died, are growing with very little of what the world would consider valuable, but they are growing up with THE thing that matters most – a love for God. And there is true and lasting joy in their lives because of it.

DAY 2:

I woke up this morning to two very exciting things:

1. There was no running water or electricity in our hotel (which definitely made getting ready quick!)

2. Matt and Amy had arrived!!! I have been so excited to see them and it was just great to see their faces again. Our team is now complete!

We went to two church services today – one at the local Anglican church and one at the local Pentecostal church. You want to talk about two polar opposite church experiences! At both services, we were asked to go to the front and individually introduce ourselves and “bring greetings” and Bobby gave the lesson at both services (with Rev. James translating). One of my favorite things is when they sing a song that we know but they sing them in their native language while we sing them in ours…such an awesome picture of unity. We were so warmly welcomed at both services. They called us their “brothers and sisters”, which I personally loved…because we are truly FAMILY! I was excited to see the 10 orphan girls I’d spent yesterday with at the Pentecostal service…they make my heart so full. I also just loved how simple these churches were. There were no fancy sound systems or slideshows, but the churches were full and the people were worshipping God with all of their hearts.

This afternoon we traveled to Niyamarwa. The men in our group are staying in a nearby town so they went on, while Bob and Brenda took Matt, Amy, and I on to the Kibbuse school! We arrived right before dark and got to meet a few of the students. We went to the “Faith House” on campus where the cook (Timothy) had prepared an unbelievable meal for us. The food here is definitely different, but I’m developing a taste for it quickly. Two of my favorite things have been “matoke”, which is like this steamed banana mush thing (I know…sounds awful) and “chipate”, which is this like this bread/pancake/tortilla type thing.

After dinner, we were taken to our rooms. We found out that the students (along with Bob and Brenda) have been working on and preparing our rooms for week in advance. How could you possibly not feel so welcomed by these people?! Our rooms are great…mine is right between Matt and Amy’s and Madame Hope’s (who is the “dorm mom”). She is one of the most joyful women I’ve ever met. I can’t wait to get to know her better.

DAY 3: David, Lonnie, and Bobby drove in this morning, and the day started with a chapel service with the students at Kibbuse. Bobby spoke at the service and once again, we gave our individual introductions and greetings. One super fun part of the service was when they took up the offering. Some students had no money to give so they offered food to be auctioned off (with the payment going to the offering plate). Two mangos and a sugar cane were auctioned off…there was definitely some friendly competition that went down. And whoever won the bid always ended up giving the prize to their competitor. There was a lot of fun and a lot of laughter. That’s one thing I’ve immediately noticed…they laugh all the time and about anything. I love it. There is so much joy here.

After chapel, we were given a tour of the Kibbuse campus. And the whole way we got to hear from James and Bob praises for the things God has done and dreams about what is to come. They have so much vision and so much faith.

After having some lunch, the rest of the group left for some meetings with some local government leaders while Matt, Amy, and I stayed behind. We then spent the afternoon playing futbol and netball with the students and the village children and then had a couple of students lead us around the village. As we started walking the streets (they were pretty packed with people), you would’ve thought we all had three heads with the way people were staring at us…it’s just so rare for them to see “mizungos” (white people) walking the streets in their village. Every person we met, though, was just so kind and welcoming. As we were walking, we started picking up quite a following of village children and soon had a good 25-30 kids with us. Spending time with them was literally just a piece of heaven. They held our hands, we skipped down the road, we sang songs, we laughed…these children have completely stolen my heart. I’m already dreading leaving them.

After we got back to the school, I decided it was time for a shower, which was quite an interesting experience. First of all, you can just kiss hot water goodbye here. You’re going to be showering in cold water. But what made my experience even more great was that I had (unknowingly) decided to shower at the same time they were pumping water, so I literally would be in the shower and the water would just stop for 2-3 minutes, then it would start dripping (which I took full advantage of) then it would come out like normal for about 30 seconds and then turn off again. So half an hour later, I was finished with my shower…haha.

Timothy prepared dinner for Matt, Amy, and I, and we convinced him to actually sit down and join us for our meal tonight! Timothy is quickly becoming one of my favorite people here. He is just so humble and kind and has the true heart of a servant. We gave him the night off on the dishes, which was a nice treat for all of us! J

What an amazing day.

It’s kind of surreal thinking about everything that has happened in the past 3 days. For years I have dreamed about coming to this place. And things I’ve only dreamed about I have now experienced and seen with my own eyes. These people have stolen my heart. They have pure joy, strong faith, genuine love, and are tireless servants. They love without pretense. They don’t make assumptions or pass judgment. They love you without even knowing you. They make you feel genuinely accepted and cared for. I have always believed it in theory, but now I am truly experiencing this truth: I need Africa more than Africa needs me. There are so many things about these people that I desire and that I envy. I want to love like they love. I want the patience that they have. I want just a portion of their joy. God has much to show me and teach me through the people of Uganda. I wonder how in the world He plans on using these few people from the US for His plans and purposes here. What an unbelievable gift to be able to join God on His mission in this world.

at long last...

2009-10-30T12:57:00.000-07:00

we are here! We arrived in the Entebbe airport at around 8:45 PM (12:45 PM in Tennessee/Texas time) after 27 hours of flying and sitting in airports.

We were greeted by Rev. James Adyeri and our driver for our trip, Elias. James and Elias are just really...kind (super outdated word, but the best one I could think of describe them). They're just heartwarming people. They picked us up and brought us over to our hotel for the night - The Crown Victoria of Entebbe. It's a nice hotel, so I'm just going to soak in a night of nice accommodations while I can! :) Tomorrow, we will drive into Kampala where we will pick up a computer that we're taking to the Kibbuse school and (hopefully) will be able to hit up the International Market!! (I'm keeping my fingers crossed for that one...)

Then we will be traveling to the village of Mityana (Rev Adyeri's home) where we will spend the rest of the day and night. Then the next morning, Matt and Amy will be meeting up with us and we'll be traveling to Niyamarwa!!!!

I have said this a million times in the past couple of hours, but I just can't believe I'm here. After years of dreaming of coming to this place, I'm actually sitting in a hotel in Uganda. It's crazy...

One of the things I've noticed most about the people I've met so far here is their smiles. They have the warmest, most genuine smiles that make you feel like they care about you. It makes you just want to give them a hug.

I am so excited to sleep...but even more excited for tomorrow to get here.

waiting, waiting, waiting...

2009-10-29T22:33:00.000-07:00

So we're at our almost 4 hour layover in Amsterdam. BARELY made the flight here. We literally heard our name over the speakers in the Amsterdam airport as we were running to our gate.

For the record, I thought our airplane meal was quite delish on the way here. They gave us these oatmeal bar things for desert...amazing! Like I wanted to buy some from the airline. Alas, no room whatsoever in my backpack. I also got to catch up on some reading and writing...and finally got to watch the movie 17 Again...I've been wanting to see that ever since it came out! don't hate...

The flight from here to Entebbe is 8 hours...I will definitely be doing some sleeping on that one. My body is telling me it's midnight...but the clock says 6:00 AM.

I am filled with expectancy right now...can't wait to see what God is going to do over the next 30 days. I can't wait to see how He's going to move, to see Him in new ways through the faces of my FAMILY in Uganda, to experience Him in new ways... I started reading Francis Chan's new book Forgotten God on the plane. He says, "...there will always be more to discover, more of His love to experience, and more of His power to use for His purposes." I love it. We serve an inexhaustible God!

My biggest prayer right now can be summed up in the bridge of one of the awesomest songs ever:

Open up my eyes to the things unseen.

Show me how to love like You have loved me.

Break my heart for what breaks Yours.

Everything I am's for Your Kingdom's cause

thankful

2009-10-29T08:18:00.000-07:00

So I woke up this morning, got all packed and ready to go, made my bed (which hasn't been done in who knows how long...) and then sat on my stairs, looked at my bags, and it kinda all hit me. And if there is one word to describe how I felt at that moment, it is: thankful.

I just sat on my stairs and thanked God for so many things...

For the opportunity to do life with my brothers and sisters on the other side of the world

For the fact that He has actually chosen to use someone as messed up as me to be HIM to a broken world and to love His children

For the amazing friends and family members that I have who have just showered me with prayers and hugs and support over the past few days

For the way He has provided for this trip in abundance

The list could go on and on... but of all the emotions I'm feeling this morning, the greatest one right now...is thankful.

I am sitting at the gate in the Nashville airport...we take off in a little over an hour. We just stocked up on some Starbuck's Via and are ready to go! We will be flying to Detroit where we have a couple of hours of a layover. Then we head to Amsterdam and have about 6 hours of waiting there before we head to Entebbe, where we will SLEEP! From the time we leave Nashville, it will be 27 hours before we land in Entebbe. Then on Sunday, we will meet up with Matt and Amy and will all travel to Niyamarwa together.

27 hours....

back to it!

2009-10-21T19:44:00.000-07:00

So my last post was over a month ago...which makes me sad. There's definitely been a ton to write about...but just no time to write! I told someone today that every time I open my computer, I just think about the 10,000 things I need to get done and never just spend "fun time" on the computer!

In one week, I leave to Uganda. I am beside myself...if you haven't been able to check it out, I have written a couple of posts about where I'll be, who I'll be with, and what I'll be doing. There's an unbelievable amount of things to get done within this next week - I've been trying to get bills and rent set up to be drafted out while I'm gone, get everything set for youth group and have "coverage" set up for the month of November, get the major stuff set up and sent out about the big girls day we're doing in January, finish writing my Bible Study for all the women and girls reading through it while I'm gone, buy supplies for Uganda, pack, get in hours at my office job, see some people before I leave...the list goes on and on and on. Oh yeah, and then there's our big junior high retreat this weekend...and being sick isn't helping.

Sounds a little ridiculous once I write it all out. I had to remind myself today of Francis Chan's very wise words: "When I'm consumed with my problems - stressed out about my life...I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God's command to always rejoice. In other words, that I have a "right" to disobey God because of the magnitude of my responsibilities."

I am not sure how reliable the internet will be in the village where I'm staying next month, but as long as we have internet, I'll be updating this blog with pictures and stories and such...so STAY TUNED!

thief

2009-09-06T14:11:00.000-07:00

I should totally be working right now...there's a lot to get done. But sometimes you have to stop, ya know? And I felt like He was telling me on the way to the offices that I need to stop...if only for one afternoon.

Because I'm so...frustrated. And I just need to vent a little bit. I'm so angry at my enemy. I'm so fed up with the one who exists to steal, kill, and destroy. And today...he's totally after my joy.

I'm so angry at this one who attacks the hearts of God's children.

Who tells young girls that they are only worth what a guy thinks about them. Who pushes them to do things that lands them in a pit of lies and destruction.

Who tells people that they should condemn and "punish" those who are caught in sin. Who convinces them that that is exactly what they deserve and should receive (...as if that's going to draw them back to the Truth...)

Who gets in the middle of relationships and tears them apart with meaningless and trivial things. Where people pull away from one another and worse, leave the church because of each other.

Who attacks the Bride of Christ (the church) by lying to her and telling her that following Jesus is all about going to church and putting on a happy face. Who distracts her from LIFE with the temporary, comfortable American dream.

Who convinces teenagers that they don't have time for the things of God. That there are more important and more fun things that they could be doing with their time.

And let's be honest...I'm frustrated with how he attacks me. I hate the selfishness and the pride that I see in my own heart so often.

I'm so OVER him. I'm so over this punk who knows that He can't get to God because God has already won the war, so he resorts to attacking that which God loves the most - His children. He's a spiteful loser.

But I'm sitting here typing and in the background, I'm listening to Hillsong remind me...

This is my prayer in the battle,
when triumph is still on its way.
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ.
So firm on His promise I'll stand.

I will bring praise, I will bring praise!
No weapon formed against me shall remain.
I will rejoice, I will declare,
God is my victory and He is here.

All of my life, in every season,
YOU ARE STILL GOD.
I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship.

God is still God. He's still on the throne. And He's bigger than anything I'm facing or frustrated with. My enemy is simply bitter. And he will not debilitize me with discouragement. He will not steal my joy. He will not tempt me to give up. He just won't win this battle...

Bless the Broken Road

2009-08-10T20:40:00.000-07:00

Psalm 84:5 - Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.

I know this song wasn't written about Jesus, but wow...I never thought about how amazing this song describes the pilgrimage on which we travel to Him. check OUT these lyrics! This song will never be the same for me...

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to You

Every long lost dream led me to where You are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into Your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to You

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to You
But You just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Now I'm just rollin' home into my Lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to You

expect the unexpected

2009-07-11T20:10:00.000-07:00

I just got back from a week at Barefoot Republic Camp, serving as a "Republic Leader" for 14 junior high girls. The mission of Barefoot is to facilitate relationships between kids from diverse racial, cultural and socioeconomic backgrounds...so we had kids from inner-city Nashville at camp with kids from wealthy Williamson County. Very cool vision...and very few, if any, other camps in the country do what they do.

I went in to last week completely "spent". In fact, on my way to camp last Sunday afternoon, I almost called the camp director (who just happens to be one of my best friends) to tell her to have a back-up in line...just in case...I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually tapped out.

Had you told me what the week was going to hold, I would've told you there was no way that I would be able to make it without completely shutting down. I didn't really know what to expect out of the week since this was my first time at Barefoot. In many ways, it was exponentially harder than I thought it was going to be. But I had no idea that I was going to experience God the way I did.

It's weird because two weeks ago, I got to watch God supply our HCC students with the love and energy that they needed at Deer Run (see previous post). I thought I had rarely, if ever, got to see God take over in such a powerful way. And it's like this week at Barefoot, He told me it was my turn...not just to see it, but to experience it.

I don't think it's a coincidence that I ended up with the toughest group of kids at camp. These kids were coming from the poverty of the projects and from broken families. There was a lot of anger, a lot of hurt...and a desperate, desperate need for attention and for love. Sadly these needs tend to work themselves out in very negative ways. I have worked with youth for four years now...and although I'd worked with my fair share of hurt kids, I had never worked with this overwhelming amount of hurt kids.

But what was crazy was how God completely took me over and gave me, every minute of every day, exactly what He knew I needed. I truly experienced Him as my Provider in a way that I never have before. I was dependent on Him every moment of every day last week. In my fleshly nature, I would have typically gotten very frustrated, angry, and impatient with those girls. But instead I found my love for them growing greater and greater every minute I was with them...even though their behavior and their attitudes didn't really change a whole lot throughout the week.
Through that, though, I came to a new realization of what God's unconditional, patient, relentless love looks like. And how His love for me has nothing to do with me or what I do and everything to do with Him and who He is.

I prayed going in to last week that God would truly break my heart for what breaks His and that He would show me how to love like He's loved me. It was incredible to experience His heart last week. It was amazing to see His love in a new and real way. It was humbling to realize that the God of the universe chooses to use someone like me to pour out His love into this broken world. It was crazy to feel the way He took over my heart, my mind, and my body in every part of last week, reminding me that He will never call me to something without providing for me the whole way. I want to be dependent on Him like that every day. I want Him to take control of me like that all the time.

Although there were a few breakthroughs, I honestly didn't get to see a huge return on the love that those girls experienced. But you know, God had to remind me that that wasn't the reason I was doing what I was doing. I am not to love so that I can see results. I am to love because I have been so recklessly loved. And because of that, I cannot help but pour that love out onto a broken and hurting world.

I'm so glad God isn't limited by my expectations. He sure blew them away last week.

for the least of these

2009-06-29T20:48:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure but it's quite possible that this past week was the most amazing experience I've ever had in my life...ever...

During the course of last week, I got to watch 4o high school students be the hands, feet, and heart of Jesus to 36 kids from the Franklin projects. It's completely impossible to communicate what happened. And I think it's flat out because it wasn't of us. It was something so much bigger than us...and therefore cannot be explained.

But I'll try to give an idea of what the week looked like...
Sunday was simply a day for the HCC youth to do some team building activities and prepare for the week at Deer Run. Little did we know how much there was to learn...

Monday was rough...and I do mean, rough. At 9:00, the bus arrived with 36 kids ranging from kindergarten through 5th grade. And they were ready to test their limits with us. Our problem was that we didn't have much of a plan as far as how to handle discipline, etc besides just to keep loving on them. The kids were fairly close to out-of-control and had very little respect for us. A few comments I remember hearing from the first day:

"I hate you."
"I hate this camp."
"I'm never coming back"
"Y'all (the HCC youth) are just here to get mad at us and tell us what to do"

Here's what was amazing...our students didn't retaliate. They didn't get angry. They just kept loving...unconditionally, relentlessly. The kids left at 3:00, and we were completely wiped out by Monday night. We encouraged everyone to not give up on these kids...to understand why they are acting the way they are acting. And to keep loving.

Day 2 was so much better than Day 1, and by Day 3, we started witnessing miracles...

One of the miracles was just watching how God so faithfully supplied us with everything we needed for the day, hour, minute ahead. We prayed a lot this week...and He so lovingly gave us more than we asked or imagined.

The other miracle was watching the hearts of these kids from the projects start softening. The love that our students was so unconditionally pouring out every day allowed the walls to start breaking down. The kids started letting down their guard and letting us into their lives. There were so many times when I had to just step back and soak in what was happening around me. It was truly a foretaste of heaven. I COULD NOT wipe the smile off my face by Day 3. It was truly unbelievable.

What was so amazing this week was just watching the power of love. It was seeing 40 students completely taken over by the Spirit and loving in ways that were not of them! They were loving like Jesus loved. They loved without expecting anything in return. They started to understand what Mother Theresa meant when she said to "love until it hurts. And then love some more".

One of my favorite parts of the week was during the morning and afternoon "YoHoHo Shows" when we would have our students go up on stage and bring up a specific kid and speak words of affirmation and encouragement to him/her in front of the whole group. These kids, who are rarely recognized for anything good, got to stand in front of 75 people and have someone talk about the GOOD that they see in them. I had to walk behind stage the first morning we did it because I couldn't control the tears.

There are countless stories to tell about last week. One of our students told me in all honesty yesterday that he thought JP and I should write a book about it. We probably could. But one of my favorite parts about camp is this: these kids live right down the street from us. They have already been calling our students and our students have already been hanging out with them...just in the past couple of days! Our students are already talking about their future plans for hanging out with these kids and deepening these relationships. As one of our girls said at the banquet on Friday night, our family just got a whole lot bigger.

I believe eternity was changed last week. The unconditional and relentless love of Christ is so very powerful. And it is humbling to think that He chooses to use us to show that love to a broken and hurting world. That's crazy. But if everyone in the world loved like those 40 students loved last week...who knows what would happen...

I'll leave you with a few of my favorites from the 980 photos I have from the week!

mukama asiimwe

2009-05-06T20:45:00.000-07:00

It means "Praise Him". And the answer to it is "Asiimwe muno", which means "Praise Him more". Learn it, use it.
I have been anxiously awaiting this past week, because Bob and Brenda Schulyer (pictured above!)- missionaries who work at the Kibbuse school in Nyamarwa, Kibale, Uganda - came to Franklin to meet and talk with many people from Harpeth. It was so good...so much to say. So many exciting things discussed.

But it has been decided...November 1 is departure day. It looks like I will actually be traveling down with my senior pastor, Bobby, and our missions director, Lonnie. They will stay for a couple of weeks. I will stay for an additional couple of weeks and come home somewhere around November 28. My good friends, Matt and Amy Walter, will be coming around the second week of November and will be staying for 3 months. I am thrilled to get to be there with people who I consider family.

Talking to Bob and Brenda naturally got me more excited than ever. Because they put some reality to my dreams. They told me specific things that they could see us doing...they told us specific things to bring...specific things about where we'll be staying, what we'll be eating...it just made everything a lot more real.

And they brought lots of pictures...
This is the village of Nyamarwa where we'll be staying!
These are the students at the Kibbuse Vocational School where we'll be serving during our time there. I get to know these people!
oh yeah...and down the street from the school? there's an orphanage where Bob and Brenda said they could probably use a lot of help. yeah, you don't have to twist my arm on that one. look at these faces...
possibly the thing I am most excited about is singing and dancing with my brothers and sisters in Nyamarwa. Brenda said that two of their favorite things to do is laugh and sing. Sounds like heaven to me...
sunrise over Nyamarwa...
then I just had to throw this last one in because I love it so much. This little guy was just walking down the street. The man in this picture is Reverend James Adyeri, who is head of the Kibbuse Vocational school. Bob and Brenda had awesome things to say about this man...I'm really looking forward to getting to know him.

I can't wait to go. I can't wait to meet these people. I can't wait to become friends with the compounds' "cook", who will be my roommate for the month. I can't wait to sing with them and play "net ball" with them. I am so looking forward to studying the Bible with those girls and learning from them how to make dresses and how to grow vegetables.

178 days...and counting...

rockin' the famine

2009-04-27T20:50:00.000-07:00

For 30 hours, about 40 youth and adults fasted and spent the weekend connecting with our brothers and sisters around the world who are suffering from poverty.
much to say about the weekend...but eyes were opened and hearts were pierced. 26,000 children die every single day from hunger or hunger-related diseases. Something is very wrong in the world.
But instead of simply letting our sadness and guilt end at sadness and guilt, we want those things to push us to action. We want to "be the change we want to see in the world"...one child at a time.
check it...

the best birthday present of all...

2009-04-21T19:49:00.000-07:00

It is amazing what rest will do for the soul. And I don't mean sleep. I just mean rest.

Last week, I got some rest. It was amazing...and honestly unexpected. I didn't set out to rest...it just kinda happened. I think it was like my birthday present from up above!

so check it...here was my birthday week:
Sunday = Easter = no youth group. Now don't get me wrong...of course I love youth group. But a night off every once in a great while is a welcomed thing! So after church was over that morning, I had no more responsibilities for the rest of the day! I got to totally relax for the rest of the day with my "Jesus family" celebrating the awesomeness that is Easter! Of course, no blog post is complete without some pics, so I'll include some here

(side note: Our youth Easter service was AMAZING! We got to have church in a tent! that's right...old school revival - style!)
What better way to celebrate on Easter Sunday, right?!?!?!
Riley and I paired up as a team for the egg hunt...we were quite the killer combo...

LOVE...these people...

JESUS FAMILY!

I purposefully took off work on my "big day" (Thursday). Spent the day with two of my favorites...
had my first-ever Curious Gourmet cupcake...
and then to cap off the day, went to see Demetri Martin with my good friend, Melanie!! oh my goodness...HILARIOUS guy...

I laughed so hard, I got a headache...oh how the cheeks hurt.

Friday night was girls night over at the Robinson's. Jill made my very favorite cake (strawberry with strawberry icing) and some of the girls came over and we watched one of my favorites: STEP UP 2, baby!! I have a not-so-secret burning desire to be a hip-hop dancer :)
Then there was Saturday...which ended up being a day with my girlfriends full of:
sitting out in the blessed sun...reading (or in my case...preparing Sunday night's lesson...)
eating...
napping...
and we can't forget...
PARTYING
the girls threw me a little surprise, ghetto-fabulous birthday party. HILARIOUS

So that was my week...amazing. I felt so rested and rejuvenated starting out this week. Makes me wonder why I don't take time-out for myself a little more often.

So although I was given many wonderful things on my birthday week, I might say that the Lord's gift of rest, friends, family, and fun might have been the best gift of all!

send me

2009-04-09T21:29:00.000-07:00

For the past 4-5 years, I've had this faint little pull to Africa. For the past year, this little pull has turned into an undeniable angst...and last fall - somewhere around Oct 9 - the decision was made. "I'm going to Africa". I just couldn't shake it any longer.

Since then, I've known I wanted to go. I've even know WHEN I wanted to go. But I just didn't know where. And that's definitely not something I was going to take lightly. I started doing some talking and some researching. But honestly...I just wasn't feeling a strong pull toward any particular area or particular group. And that was frustrating...and honestly made me wonder if this really was what I was being called to.

Then the director of missions at my church (Lonnie Hearne) sat down at my desk one Sunday and started telling me all about his dreams for our church's involvement in a specific area in Uganda. (Side note: there are two countries that I have prayed for on a daily basis for the past 5 or 6 years - and those countries are Belgium and Uganda...Belgium because I went on a mission trip there in college and Uganda because we have had many ties there with missionaries and my best friend lived there for year...so when he started talking about Uganda...I got excited right off the bat).

Anyway, there's an area in central Uganda called Nyamarwa where there is this Kibbuse Vocational School, which was founded in 2000 by nine villagers who had a vision for their children to become job creators rather than job seekers. So at this school, young men are learning carpentry, bricklaying, metal working, and auto repair. Girls are learning tailoring, dressmaking, and home economics. All students are learning English along with hygiene, nutrition, and disease prevention.

Lonnie started telling me about his vision for development in that specific area of the country...and my heart was about to beat out of my chest. Later that week, I had lunch with Lonnie's wife and she started sharing with me how women in Africa are so often de-valued and sexually exploited. There is such a need for women to come over and teach these girls about their worth and about their beauty. She said that she saw me being able to teach a class at the vocational school to young women about their identity and their worth. Are you kidding me?!?!?!? That is what my heart beats for!

So I'm going...in November. Just one month...to see what God does in my heart. And who knows...it may turn into something longer one day. And what's amazing is that two of my close friends from here in Franklin are going over at the exact same time...and for the exact same reason. I'm overwhelmed with excitement...

man...what is to come?

duh...

2009-04-06T20:06:00.001-07:00

So I've been averaging one post every 2-3 weeks for the past couple of months...makes me sad. But honestly...I just haven't had the time. I seem to be in an almost constant state of feeling overwhelmed. And that really makes me sad. I know that stress and busy-ness is not God's best and is not His will. It's just one of those things that I seem to be caught in, but really don't know how to get out of...anyway...

Lately I have been sensing this overwhelming need for God's people to be on their knees. I have sensed this in my small group. I have sensed it in the youth group. I have sensed it in our church and in our community. It is frighteningly easy to get so consumed in the physical world that we forget that there is a very real and very active spiritual realm where battle is constantly raging.

God has been moving and working in powerful ways in Harpeth Community Church, especially within the youth group. A few months ago, we were at the top of the mountain...amazed at what God was doing and ecstatic about what was to come. But our enemy (who I call "the punk") never goes down without a fight. And he has been doing all he can to creep in and steal what God has given.

The weight of the battle can sometimes feel unbearable. But the awesome part is that we have a Mighty Warrior who fights on behalf of his people. And if we will take up our sword (the Word) and stay connected to that Warrior, we WILL win. Jesus told us that the gates of hell would NOT overcome His church.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have been feeling a push to get on my knees for the students in our youth group. And last night, I stood in front of them and confessed that I had not been doing that as I should...not even close. And I committed to them that that was going to change...immediately. There is NOTHING greater that I can do for those kids than to be praying for them - unceasingly. What a shame it would be if I spent all of my time planning events, getting Bible studies together, and organizing programs...but neglected the most important thing.

And no matter where you or who you know...there is nothing better that you can do for your friends, your family, or your church than to be on your face before God for them. NOTHING.

"if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." - 2 Chronicles 7:14

these lyrics from the Shane and Shane song "Waging War" keep ringing in my ears...

When battle lines become unclear And the waging war is all I hear Sustain me with Your voice And the choice to walk in truth And by the Spirit That I might see this day This waging war might go away And be no more That I might see His face And hear Him say Son, welcome home The war is over

broken

2009-03-13T21:39:00.001-07:00

I've been reading through the New Testament with my church this year. We read 5 chapters per week and are just starting the book of Luke. I love how you can read certain passages a million times and get a million different things out of them each time...

One of the things that has really been hitting me about Jesus as I've been reading the Gospels is how stinkin' hard he was on those Pharisees. Like he did not mince words with them. He continually told them over and over and over how he hated their "religiosity" and self-righteous attitudes. He seemed to have very little tolerance for them. Jesus spent his time around people who were broken, who were sinful, who were so very aware of their desperate need for a Savior. And he condemned those who were caught up in religion and law and pride. The Pharisees came face-to-face with the same man that the leper and the tax collector and the lowly fishermen came face-to-face with. But because of their righteous pride, they were not able to receive Jesus and all that he had to offer them. They had completely lost sight of the true God in their pursuit of righteousness. It's a sad thing to read about.

But the thing that has been hitting me so hard is this question: which one would I have been? I think about how much I can still get sucked in to religion and rules and self-righteousness...and that's after I already have a knowledge of Jesus and the cross and what He did and said! The Pharisees had only known "law" up until that point, but I don't have that excuse. It's a sickening thing to admit, but I see so much of myself in the Pharisees.

I sat in a room last night full of women who, for the most part, have come face-to-face with their own brokenness. It was an extremely difficult night because the topic was on abuse. And many of these women had stories to share about when they had been abused and raped and how many of them now have children from being raped. They were sharing their struggles and the pain that they still have from those experiences. And I just got to thinking: I have never known that kind of pain. I have never known that kind of brokenness. It was so hard to hear.

But as I was sitting there, I started thinking about how I have honestly led a relatively easy life, in every sense of the word. And while I am so thankful that God has spared me from much pain and difficulty in life, there's another part of me that has a burning desire to somehow come face-to-face with my own brokenness, with my desperate need for grace. I want to be desperate for my Savior. I want to be like the leper and the tax collector.

I was watching a video this week of Nate Larkin...and he said something that hit me to the core. He said: "I created this false self - this "Saint Nate" that I tried to make breathe on its own. I felt bad that Saint Nate can only live at church. Now I know that Jesus never loved Saint Nate, cause He didn't make Saint Nate. He made me. Jesus loves ME. Wants a relationship with Me...
Because of my addiction, I now understand that only God is the center of things. He's actually used my addiction for good. Because of it I've been forced to join the human race and surrender to a power greater than myself...I don't think I ever really met Jesus until I stepped out of my "church persona" and became just another desperate, broken man. That's when He really became real to me." (Powerful video...check it: http://www.iamsecond.com/#/seconds/Nate_Larkin/)

But that's what I want. And it's a scary thing to ask God for that. Because there's no way that coming face-to-face with your own brokenness is going to be an easy thing...but I'm taking a big breath and asking God for it. Because it's only then that I know I will truly be able to meet Jesus and be used by Him and for Him.

what to do...

2009-03-03T20:46:00.001-08:00

okay I know, I know...I have been a horrible blogger. I never thought it would happen to me, but I had to take a blog hiatus (not by choice, by the way...). The reason for this has honestly been as simple as: no time. Which is sad...but I've had some fairly time-consuming events to plan recently and also have taken on the job of youth ministry administrative assistant. And let me tell you...that's kinda been kicking my tail. I knew it would be a lot of work...but wow...

Anyway, I am all over the place tonight. What are you supposed to do when you feel like your passions and your dreams and your desires are all over the map?! (literally...).

Two weekends ago, I traveled with 4 other members of our church youth leadership team and we did some leadership training with a church in the Atlanta area. It is a fairly new church and the youth ministry is in its early stages of development. The weekend was amazing. Meeting with other people who share our passion for God and for teenagers was so energizing and so inspirational. And actually having the opportunity to talk to these leaders about how God has been moving in our youth group and what we have learned through our experiences was just such an honor...and a humbling thing at the same time. So after that weekend was over, I was dreaming about what it would be like for our youth leadership team to travel around talking to and training youth leaders of new church plants about the things God is doing and what He has taught us - encouraging them and speaking life into them. How cool would that be...

Then this past weekend, I went back to the same church to help out and speak at a big girls weekend. There were over 90 teenage girls who came from all over the community to this event specifically designed to honor them and tell them that they are beautiful and that they are worthy. I can't express how passionate I get about that subject. I actually had the chance to speak at one of the sessions...and later that day, I thought: "I could do this for forever. I could just spend the rest of my days traveling around and telling teenage girls how amazing they are and how beautiful they are and how they are known and treasured by Majesty." So that was my dream...as of a couple of days ago.

And then tonight. I went to this super cool event at Lipscomb called Tokens. It is this thing that they put on every couple of months that is like this theology lecture/cultural analysis/ old-time radio show/conversation/concert that is recorded and played over the radio. Every show has a different theme. Tonight's theme: justice. Man...I don't really know what to say. I just can't shake this overwhelming desire that I have to go to the places where injustice is reigning...and fight it. I have been wrestling with this desire for too long. Tonight they talked about the difference between charity/mercy and justice. I BURN with a desire to see justice. Plus I'm just so stinkin' tired of comfort. I'm so tired...of America. There. I said it. Right or wrong, that's what I feel. I'm just being real. So tonight that's my dream...

So many desires. So many dreams...ugh. what to do...

Celebracion de Vida

2009-02-03T04:24:00.001-08:00

(There is no reason at all for the title being in Spanish...just seemed fitting)

Today is my sister's birthday. I felt that it was only right that I dedicate a blog post to the greatness that is Melissa Carter. The possibilities of this post getting super sentimental and cheesy are high to super-high, so I'm going to try to keep the mushiness to a minimum. But she really is great...like, I'm sad for you if you don't know her.

So today...I am going to make a Top 20 list of why I am glad that Melissa Carter was born/why the world is a better place with her in it.

20. It would have made for a really lonely childhood for me. (selfish, I know...)

19. She is one of the only people who can harmonize with me to absolutely anything that makes sound (i.e. the hum of our mom's electric toothbrush).

18. She is adventurous.

17. She has an incredible ability to make people feel comfortable around her.

16. She knew the full name of like every friend and classmate I had growing up...actually, that's a little creepy, Melissa. Sister stalker.

15. She has crazy strong conviction.

14. She has an amazing ability with words.
One time, she got on my computer which happened to be logged on to my Facebook profile and changed my "About Me" section to say:
I have a sister, Melissa..and that is really all you need to know about me..because she is easily the most attractive and graceful thing around since Audrey Hepburn - except a little hotter. She has a touch of Angelina Jolie in her, with the angelic innocense of Shirley Temple.
I have yet to take that off my profile.

13. I know I can introduce her to someone she doesn't know and in about 15 minutes, they will be best friends.

12. She has a unique love and passion for the elderly. Their lives are always made happier and fuller because of her.

11. She's a crazy good cook...it's a good thing we don't live together anymore.

10. She is RANDOM...this is good because it means she thinks outside of the box. Seriously, in the past couple of months she has pondered: being an au pair overseas, being a flight attendant, moving home for the summer to cook pies with my grandmother, being a missionary to the Amish, moving to Africa...what am I forgetting here, sis??

9. She is far from being a "too-cool"...I would be sad to have a "too-cool" for a sister.

8. She has the heart of a servant.
(Example: My parents sent us money to go out for a nice dinner for her birthday. When I asked where she wanted to go, what did she want us to do? She wanted to take the money, buy some gifts, and drive around to various houses of people we know and tell them that we love/appreciate them)

7. She has introduced me to many amazing things, including shakey-head pictures, sushi, Shane Claiborne...and some super weird music.

6. She is the only person in the world who understands and shares the freakishly crazy love that I have for Buddy Leroy Carter.

5. She has dance moves like you've never seen.

4. She makes me proud...like I love telling people that she's my sister.

3. She's not afraid to challenge me and hold me accountable...even when it makes me mad :)

2. She makes me laugh harder than anyone...like anyone.

1. She is IN LOVE with Jesus...and is going to change the world because of it.

Happy Birthday, sister! I really am so proud of YOU!

might as well...

2009-01-30T20:32:00.000-08:00

Shoot, if I'm going to take the time to compose 25 Random Things About Me on Facebook, I might as well post them to the ol' blog as well, right?? So here goes...

1. I have an obsession with books and reading (My roommate calls my room "the library").

2. I never cook...like never. But I wanna learn so bad.

3. I basically have zero cartilage left under my kneecaps...dang basketball...

4. There are fewer things funnier to me than when someone trips or falls down...especially when that someone is me.

5. I have an amazingly strong sense of smell.

6. I am an introvert by nature but I love being around people.

7. I do not love running...but love doing marathons. Go figure.

8. I LOVE babies and little kids (and sometime freak their parents out a little as a result)

9. I secretly love hip-hop, R&B, and cheesy pop music (boy bands for life!!!)

10. No one makes me laugh like my little sister.

11. Four of my greatest fears: getting "stuck" in life, having a lot of money, complacency, and growing up.

12. I have a secret desire to be a drummer...and a hip-hop dancer. I'm far from both.

13. I get paid to do something I love...that's crazy.

14. I don't like taking showers...especially when it means I have to wash my hair...can't believe I just admitted that.

15. I cannot think of one restaurant in existence that I dislike.

16. I feel sad for "too-cools" and people who take themselves/life too seriously.

17. I've been writing a book over the past year and a half...(and I'm almost done with it!!)

18. I have a lot of Texas pride...yep, I'm one of those.

19. I love scrapbooking! (But I'm far from being creative...)

20. I LOVE traveling and seeing new places...but I'm the most obvious tourist ever.

21. Bunny rabbits creep me out.

22. I embrace cheesy-ness in life.

23. I have a horrible memory.

24. I have an unshakeable desire to live in Africa at some point in my life.

25. I see the world in photos (how many times have the words, "I wish I had my camera!" come out of my mouth?!)...photography would be another dream job.

Side story: I got to eat lunch with John Mark Robinson at his school today. I love him. And then I got to hang out with Riley. She wrote a song while I was over there (I got to be her drummer)...I was able to write down some of the lyrics as she sang them. Here's a portion of them (word for word as they came out of her mouth, by the way):

Tell your mom
I am not
When your mom says it's okay if you do it.
If your drink is dirty, now you do it.

Your very best question
If it's not your birdie,
you better have some poopie.

Everybody's stinkin' along
If you're stuck again
you better go to your mom and say
"My brother is stuck"
"My brother is stuck"
"My brother is stuck"
"My brother is stuck"

I don't know about you...but these definitely moved me to tears.

Grandaddy

2009-01-28T20:49:00.000-08:00

Exactly one year ago today, Grandaddy went home to be with Jesus. I am just remembering him today...and the legacy that he left here on earth. He lived 94 years and was married for 74 of those years to my Grandmommy, who now lives in Lubbock. (How many couples see 74 years together?!)
There are so many things that I'll remember about Grandaddy and so many things to learn from his life, but one of the things that I think his life exhibited the most was the beauty of simplicity. I remember how many people talked this time last year about what a simple life Grandaddy lived, but how it was so full of love. He drove a school bus for 30 years, was a farmer in a tiny little West Texas town called Quitaque (pronounced Kitty-kway...is definitely one of my favorite places in the world), was an elder (and a song leader) at the little church there, and loved nothing more than a game of HORSE in basketball or a game of dominoes. He was selfless and gave of himself tirelessly. He was a devoted member of his church. He was a man of amazing integrity. He LOVED the Lord. And as my dad said at the funeral last year, Grandaddy was maybe not "great" in the eyes of the world...he never made a lot of money and he wasn't a man of great power or stature. But his life was great in the Kingdom. To quote Mother Teresa, he did "small things with great love".
I so desire to live more simply. Grandaddy left a legacy of love and simplicity.
I remember thinking about this song a lot at this time last year. It just reminded me so much of Grandaddy and really became my prayer for my own life.

LEGACY - Nichole Nordeman

I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much

I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy

Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well done, good and faithful one.."

No doubt those are the very words that Grandaddy heard when he saw Jesus...

sick of safety

2009-01-23T20:25:00.000-08:00

I'm still playing catch-up on the New Testament reading that my church is doing together. A couple of days ago, I read Matthew 10. It's the chapter when Jesus is sending off his disciples. The whole chapter is Jesus telling them about how hard the journey was going to be for them. I'm sure they would have much rather heard Jesus say, "Yeah! This is going to be awesome! People are going to love you and love everything you have to say! Your life is going to be easy and perfect now that you're my follower!" But nope. Jesus is like, "You don't get to take anything with you...you may not be welcomed...people may not listen...you're gonna be like sheep among wolves...you're gonna get beat up and arrested...you'll be hated and persecuted. Take up your cross...". Yeah, not exactly what the disciples probably wanted to hear.

And this definitely is not the last time that Jesus tells his followers how hard it's going to be to follow him. How the world is going to hate them. How they are going to face persecution...

I'm trying to figure out when Christianity got so "safe" for us in America. When did it become so easy? I'm afraid this quote from Irresistible Revolution is pretty right on:
In our culture of "seeker sensitivity" and radical inclusivity, the great temptation is to compromise the cost of discipleship in order to draw a larger crowd. With the most sincere hearts, we do not want to see anyone walk away from Jesus because of the discomfort of the cross, so we clip the claws on the Lion a little, we clean up a bit the bloody Passion we are called to follow...And yet we can end up merely cheapening the very thing we want folks to experience.

In Matthew 10, Jesus makes no bones about how difficult it's going to be for the disciples. It seems to me that if we're not experiencing any sort of tension or opposition - even hatred - from the world around us because of the way we live or the things we say, I'm wondering if we should question whether or not we're truly living for that Kingdom. Maybe it means that we're not being bold enough or maybe it means we're living a watered-down version of the true gospel or maybe it's because we've isolated ourselves from people who would oppose us or who would disrupt our safe little worlds? I'm not sure what it means! All I know is that if Jesus tells us that following him is going to be hard, but all we are experiencing is safety and ease, there seems to be some sort of disconnect happening.

I realize that right now, these are just words coming out of my mouth. Were you to actually take my safety from me, I would probably want it back. So I guess that's what I'm sick of. I'm sick of that thing inside of me that still wants a "nice little life". I don't want to settle for comfort. Shane Claiborne talks about how the most dangerous place for a Christian may very well be in safety and comfort. And I really have no idea what that looks like for someone living in comfortable, safe little Williamson County. I just know that I want eternal eyes...and a heart that is much less fearful about those things which can destroy the body and much more concerned about that which can destroy the soul (Matt 10:28). I want to risk. And I want to do things that scare me. I want to be in situations where I'm going to be in major trouble if God doesn't come through.

This safety thing is just overrated.

More Than A Friend

2009-01-20T21:34:00.000-08:00

I don't think I've ever blogged this late...but I can't help myself tonight. It's gonna take a while for me to wind down from the evening's activities anyway.

I have an amazing group of people that I meet with every Tuesday night. They are so much more to me than just my "small group"...they are family. And tonight, I experienced the family of God loving and encouraging and praying for one another in a powerful way.

I think Satan was trying to keep me from experiencing that tonight. I'll be honest...I didn't really feel like going to group. I was tired...it's cold outside...I have a list of things I "need" to get done. But God definitely knew I needed to be there. And something has been on my heart the past couple of days that I felt like I needed to share with my small group and ask their prayers over. There is something that has taken over much of my heart and mind for quite some time...and something that I have been praying I would be free of for a long time. And I believe that God has been impressing on me to share this with the group...because right now, I'm praying for a miracle. And I absolutely believe there's power in prayer in numbers. But of course, Satan (who I often refer to as "the punk") was feeding me those little lies..."It's not that big of a deal", "There are other things that are more important for them to pray about", "Do you really want them to know that?"...and the list goes on. But why is this?! Why is it that the church is one of the last places that people feel like they can be real and authentic? "The punk" will do anything he has to do to make sure that you keep those things in the dark, because he knows that when you bring them into the light, they're out of his territory.

Anyway, there was somewhat of a domino effect tonight. It simply took one person to open up and be vulnerable about some things and I believe that the openness of this person truly encouraged others to do the same. So struggles were shared. Fears were released. Encouragement was given. Prayers were lifted up. There is nothing like having a group of some of your closest friends sitting/kneeling around you with their hands on you, petitioning the Creator of the universe on your behalf. There's just so much power in that.

I left small group tonight truly with a burden lifted. No, my struggle hasn't been completely taken from me, but tonight I was given hope...and encouragement. Isn't this what being in the family of God is all about? I heard a pastor speak on community this past Sunday. He talked about how community gives life. I experienced that life tonight.

There's this amazing song called "More Than You'll Ever Know" by Watermark. The lyrics are amazing...I listened to it as soon as I got in my car after group tonight. I wished my small group could have been sitting in front of me at that moment so I could sing this straight to them...of course, that would just be awkward for everyone so it's probably best that that wasn't the case. But nevertheless, this is my song to them!

"May the blessing return to you a hundredfold!

(P.S. This is only a portion of the lyrics)

Something about just being with you
When I leave I feel like I've been with God
and that's the way it ought to be

Cause you've been more than a friend to me
you fight off my enemies
cause you have spoken truth over my life
And you'll never know what it means to me
just to know you've been on your knees for me
Oh, you have blessed my life
more than you'll ever know

You had faith
when I had none
You prayed God would bring me a brand new song
When I didn't think I could find the strength to sing
and all the while I've been hoping that I'll
do the kind of praying for you that you've done for me
and that's the way it ought to be

You have carried me
You have taken on a burden
that wasn't your own
may that blessing return to you
A hundredfold

Embracing Today

2009-01-15T15:42:00.000-08:00

Three days ago, I journaled these exact words (regarding a certain situation):

...I am going to choose to not worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. I need the power of Your Spirit to do that...I know I can't just will myself into it. Lord, I hear you calling me to just live in today. I hear that. To simply seek Your purposes for today. Worrying is both debilitating and shows a lack of trust in You...show me how you want me to live in today...

I've been having to constantly remind myself of this over the past 3 days. So HCC is reading the New Testament as a church in 2009. Today's reading (for me...I'm a couple of days behind) was Matthew 6. And what is in Matthew 6? Well nothing but the "Do Not Worry" passage (verses 25-34). Coincidence? I think not... Anyway, it got me thinking more...

I don't think I would say that my life is characterized by worry. Now don't get me wrong...I definitely struggle with it at times. But my main problem is just not living in today. I so often catch myself living in the future. I live in my dreams and my plans and yes, my fears...but then I end up missing out on today.

When I was in high school, I would catch myself getting so wrapped up in concern about college. Then when I was in college, I got myself all wrapped up in what I was going to "do with the rest of my life" (whatever that even means). I seriously remember thinking about how once I'm able to get a "normal" job and be out in the real world, I would just be more settled and wouldn't have to worry about the future as much. HA! And today I get wrapped up in what's going to happen tomorrow or next week or next month...

I'm starting to wake up to the fact that there really is always a tomorrow! Well...there's not always a tomorrow, but there's always a tomorrow to worry about. Not rocket science, I know...but what I'm trying to say is that if we don't check ourselves, we could end up 80 years old realizing that the vast majority of our lives was spent living in the future and all of those "tomorrows" turned into "todays" but since we never lived in "today", we never really lived! Does this make any sense at all?

Anyway, I love how Matt: 6:34 talks about how tomorrow will worry about itself. Worrying about tomorrow is A. pointless (because it sure isn't going to change anything!) B. debilitating (because you end up missing out on what you're supposed to do today) and C. shows a lack of trust that He is in control and He is at work and He is for your good...no, not just for your good, but for your best.

So I'm over it...I'm over living in tomorrow. And of course I'm not saying it's a bad thing to plan or dream of the future and all that...but are we fully present today? Could we be missing out on what God wants to do in us today because we're so wrapped up in "what is to come"? That's what I'm praying against...that would be a tragedy. The future is not lying ahead of us...it's lying within us. And whatever we do today is going to affect tomorrow. Lord, help us to seek Your plans and your purposes for right now...for this very minute. Tomorrow will worry about itself...

my heart beats for you...

2009-01-09T16:23:00.001-08:00

Today I spoke to a group of about 15 middle school/junior high girls and their moms at a monthly event they do for their group (they're called G3 - Girls for God's Glory...clever :). I love talking to girls. I love it. It's weird how God works...how He gives people hearts that beat for certain things. And how it's different for every person. How His body - the church - is made up of people who have hearts that beat for totally different things...and that's what makes it work! So cool. I was looking at 25 girls/women that I'd never met in my life and my heart was just overflowing for them. My heart was racing...and it wasn't because of nerves...it was because I was getting so excited speaking to them and sharing my heart - and better yet, God's heart - for them. It was in that moment that I was remembering what God has given me a heart and a passion for...there's nothing like that.

I basically had one hour with these girls. So I was faced with a big question: if you only have one hour to spend with a group of girls, what do you want to tell them? And as I was preparing for today and even while I was speaking, of all the things that I wanted to tell them, the thing that was heaviest on my heart was this: I wanted those girls to know who they are in Christ. I wanted them to understand their identity, see their worth in where it truly lies - in HIM.

I wanted every girl (and mom) in that room to hear that she is loved and she is beautiful and she is the bride of Christ...that she is royalty...that she is prized by Majesty...that He is enthralled by her beauty...captivated by who she is. Man, how the world tries to tell us otherwise! Culture is screaming at us that we are only physical objects, that we aren't tall enough or skinny enough, that we aren't worthy of love, that we aren't "enough", that we aren't seen, that we are unpure...Satan is throwing every lie out there that's possible. And I realized that at least for girls (I don't know about you guys...y'all are a mystery to me :), but at least for girls, almost every decision we make in our lives is going to come from how we see ourselves - where we've put our worth and our identity.

We were all designed with a need for something outside of ourselves to tell us who we are. It's amazing who and what we give the right to define us and give (or not give) us worth. The voices of the world and of other people are so loud. But by letting those things define you, you are getting a completely inaccurate sense of self-worth and identity. The only place we're going to find our true identity and our true worth is in Him.

What would happen if every teengae girl - if every woman for that matter - started to use Christ as their mirror? Ah...one day...we will see. Oh man, if we would only believe that what He says about us is true. So that's it...I had only one hour to spend with those girls. And this was what I wanted them to hear. And even in that experience, I think God was trying to show me more of what my heart beats for - it's not just girls. It's that girls would know and believe in who they are in Him.

So what does your heart beat for? You're not just a random creation. God gave you passions and talents and a heart that beats for something in particular. And the world needs you to find it and live for it. So seek it out...as Erwin McManus says, "The future is not waiting for us. It is waiting within us."

My Heart is Full

2009-01-06T15:25:00.000-08:00

I was driving to Kroger this afternoon after work, thinking about a lot of things and people and recent events, and just couldn't help but say, "My heart is full". I don't know why I have been blessed the way I have. I can't really comprehend it...I certainly don't deserve it. But thank God for his mercies and His love.

This past weekend was our youth ski trip that we have every other winter. I had been looking forward to it for quite a while...and is always the case, it went by way too fast. I could write for days on all the things that happened, all the things that were shared and said, all the ridiculous jokes and laughs...how I'm almost as bad at snowboarding as I was at skiing two years ago (which is beyond sad). But in the end, I just can't think of a better way to say how I feel: my heart is full.

I'm thinking about how the students I shared the past few days with are seriously like my brothers and sisters...like family. I'm thinking about how much they make me laugh and equally how much they make me cry, how proud they make me, how my heart breaks when theirs do, how I feel like they're my own kids. I'm thinking about the way God has just opened the floodgates on our youth ministry and sent some of the most amazing adults ever to work alongside us in reaching students. Those volunteers have become some of my closest friends in the world...I would die for them. I think about the encouragement that I receive from them. I'm thinking about the friends that God has blessed me with who so readily are there for me when I need them...to be a listening ear, a sounding board, a source of advice and support. I'm thinking about the ways I've seen God at work so powerfully in and among his people. About how I have been able to witness Him totally transforming hearts and redeeming lives. I'm frustrated even trying to explain the fullness I feel...

And then I start to realize that when I'm experiencing God and experiencing His people, that is when my heart is the fullest. No amount of success, talent, money, power, work, possessions...none of those things make me feel that way. And so I guess it makes sense, right? When God says that the two greatest commandments are to love Him and love others, He knew what He was saying. He knew the prescription to a full heart and a full life. It's not in work or in money or in success. It's in Him and it's in people. No, this isn't some amazing new revelation. But I experienced it and understood it afresh today.

The Year at a Glance...

2008-12-28T21:21:00.000-08:00

2008…wow. This has been quite a year…for so many reasons. I have very likely changed more over the course of the last 365 days than I have in any year past. This has been a year of some major events, and has also been a year of some major moving of God in my life. I have been challenged/convicted in almost every area of my life. These were not easy challenges to face…but very necessary. So I’m just sitting here on the plane headed back to Nashville from Texas taking a look back at the year and decided to list out a few notable things from 2008. I’m breaking it up into two sections: 1. Things that I’ve done or that have happened and 2. Things I have learned (which could feasibly be a whole book’s-worth). So here we go…2008 at a glance:

Things I did or that have happened in 2008

I started a blog
I had a meal with a homeless person(s) for the first time in my life. (breakfast at Mickey D’s, baby! J ).
My sweet 94-year old Grandaddy went home. I would not be who I am or where I am today without him. I can’t wait to see him again.
I had my first experience as a maid of honor. 7^th time to be a bridesmaid…first time to be a maid of honor. I learned much about how to be a good one and what to do better next time! J
I ran in two marathons and LOVED it (which is quite noteworthy considering I hated running before…).

I went on my first-ever beach vacation. Yes, I had gone to the beach before …however, I had never actually gone on a straight-up, beach-only vacation. Wow…so great. Thanks again for that, JP and Jill!
I started playing basketball again after a year-long hiatus. Reason for the hiatus? This…
I helped build a house from the ground-up in Juarez, Mexico. Amazing trip.
Harpeth Community Church moved into our very own building!!!
I finally made the decision: I’m going to Africa. I’m initially going for only a month (probably in Nov of this next year) and then…we’ll see.
I finally got to visit D.C. My cousin, Haley, did a semester-long internship in congressman Sam Johnson’s office. Ross, Melissa and I got to visit her on Labor Day weekend…D.C. is super cool.
My best friend in the whole wide world got engaged. I’ve told her so many times throughout our lives: “I can’t wait to see who you marry one day”…and now I know. It’s a little surreal, to be honest.
Texas Tech football KICKED TAIL! (I’ve never been more proud to be a Red Raider).
I got to witness the transformation of a youth group. I could talk about this for hours…and I have. But God has completely changed the heart and mentality of the HCC youth group from inward-focused and consumerist (is that a word?) to outward-focused and missional. I have witnessed CRAZY love happening in that group. And it’s only the beginning of what He’s going to do…I can just taste it.

I wrote a book. This actually started in the fall of '07, but I have been writing a book/Bible study (aimed at teenage girls) on falling in love with Jesus (haha...like that can adequately be broken down into a book). It’s not 100% done, but it’s in its final stages…
I met my twin…no, not my biological one. This fall I met a girl named Jenna through a mutual friend of ours in Atlanta. I am not sure that I have met anyone quite so much exactly like me…it’s kinda freaky, actually.
I met Shane Claiborne (not my twin…I wish).
I was introduced to and got involved with Against the Grain ministry in Franklin. It’s a ministry that works with single moms and at-risk children in Williamson County. I am mentoring a couple of the teen moms in that program…they are becoming true sisters to me.
God turned my world upside-down…yeah…no big thing.

Things I learned in 2008

The more I know about God, the more I realize I don’t know…which is awesome.
I am actually capable of standing and moving on a skateboard. A ton of kids in the youth group skateboard. I have fought it for a couple of years, but I finally gave in a few weeks ago. I’m still in the early stages of learning…but I have to admit - I’m actually enjoying it.
I am far too materially rich. This is something I’m still wrestling with. And the more I give away or donate, the more I wrestle with it. So I don’t know if God is calling me to do something else about it, or if this is always a tension that I will live with as long as I live in the U.S.? Hmmm…
I love backpacking. I’ve been camping before and I’ve been hiking before, but I went on my first actual “backpacking” trip this fall. And I had a stinkin’ blast. I’m so ready for the spring so I can go again.
Christian persecution is greater now than ever in the history of the world. I taught a lesson to our youth a few weeks ago on this. Preparing for that lesson was truly eye-opening. I want to know Jesus the way those martyrs knew Him. I want to love Him the way they did.
I so desire to live more simply (see 8/4 post - )
“Family” is not simply biological. I live 15 hours away from my biological family…not always an easy thing. However, God has blessed me with an incredible “Jesus-family” in Nashville. They mean the world to me…
There is no one else for me but Jesus. A question that hit me hard this year was: “Am I more in love with the things of God than God Himself?” It was a hard one…but what a shame it would be to miss out on the greatest gain! (see 11/17 post for more - )
The “system” is ugly (much to say about that one)
I LOVE PHOTGRAPHY. I had my first-ever official photography gig this year (my friend Mollie’s wedding) and had SO MUCH FUN! These were a couple of my favorites…

I need Africa more than Africa needs me (see 12/3 post)
God doesn’t always remove that “thorn in your side”…but it is what keeps you dependent upon Him and pressing into Him. And for that, I am thankful.
What my ministry needs most from me is not cool new programs or methods of teaching…but someone who has an angst to sit at the feet of Christ. (Thanks for that, Matt Chandler).
I am so in need of His grace. I have far to go…
I am not that cool…thank goodness.
I am blessed beyond words.

(If you've actually made it to the end of this entry, I applaud you...and encourage you to do a 2008 re-cap as well!! :)

my favorite gift...

2008-12-24T12:36:00.000-08:00

So earlier today, I finished the first of three "Christmases" (AKA - time of opening gifts) of which I will be partaking while I'm in Texas. This was actually the one that I look forward to the most every year - the one with just my parents and my sister...no grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins (not that I don't love them all, by the way). But I love when it's just the four of us getting to spend time together.

I opened what will undoubtedly be my favorite gift of the year (and I know I have more to come...but nothing will beat this one). But after we had opened gifts, my dad said "Okay we have one more gift for you girls to open and they're in those two little boxes on the fireplace". So Melissa and I each pick up a box and open it to find a computer-generated Xmas card (I love when my dad makes those...they're so endearing...) and in the card was a $100 check from my parents made out to...no one. And the card read:

A few weeks ago, Mom and I attended a Feast or Famine meal at LCU. There we learned about how many people in the world are starving to death and how someone like the Breedlove Dehydration Plant could make major inroads to helping alleviate starvation by their dehydration process. Breedlove works in all parts of the world helping get food to starving people. We were very impressed with the presentation and coupled with your interest in this problem, we decided that we would each give $100 of our Christmas money to an agency such as Breedlove to help fight the loss of life through starvation. Mom and I will be giving our checks to Breedlove.

However, we left the "to" part of "your" check blank so that you can make your own personal decistion to where the money would do the "most" good. Just fill out the "to" protion of the check and make sure that the people get it before the end of the year.

We admire your charitable hearts, and so we honor you by making this Christmas a little more special. Thank you for setting such a good example of caring.

We love you,

Dad and Mom

Yeah, there's not going to be any gift this Christmas that tops that. By the time Melissa and I had finished reading our cards, we were both crying, which of course made my mom cry and I promise you that I saw a tear in my dad's eye...or at least some redness (which is probably like the third time in my life that I've ever seen that).

I don't know why it was so emotional for us...I mean, even saying it now sounds a little cheesy, but it wasn't so much that it was just a sweet gift or sweet words on a card. I think it was because it was like this moment where the the four of us were totally of one spirit and one heart...all believing and agreeing on what is the most important thing. Melissa and I have sometimes felt like a few of our friends/family members have given us that "oh-you're-so-naive", "pat-you-on-the-head" reaction to our ideas and our dreams of helping those in need around the world. But it was such an amazing thing for our parents to love and support our heart's desires and all four of us stand together for what God is calling us to. I'll never forget that moment.

Attempting a "Buy Nothing Christmas"

2008-12-17T14:08:00.000-08:00

key word in the title: "ATTEMPT".

Okay so Christmas is "the season for giving". Well...if it's the season for giving then it's also the season for "getting", right? Because whatever you give, someone else is going to get. I know...this is deep stuff. ha. But herein lies the problem for me. (I may step on some toes here, so I apologize in advance...but I'm not really sorry about it:)

If you've followed previous blogs, you've likely noticed that I have been experiencing some deep conviction over the past few months about the way I spend my money. So when Christmastime rolled around, I was feeling some major battling happening within. There's definitely plenty of Scriptures that call us to show restraint and not hoard goods. If we truly care about the poor and the needy, it's really hard to justify over-indulgence as our neighbors - our family - starve.

So at Christmas, we're celebrating the birth of a man who had much to say against materialism and hoarding riches...and ironically we celebrate his birth by - and this may be strong - but basically over-indulging in materialism. Seems a little off, right? And interestingly, it's pretty easy to excuse it away by saying it's all about "giving". By the way, I'm not trying to point fingers here...I'm pointing this finger right at myself!!!

So this year, I started looking into this concept of a "Buy Nothing Christmas". There were some interesting devos and such on the website...this was on one of the devos:

We have enough, and to keep adding to our pile not only takes up resources that could go to the poor but also has a devastating impact on the environment. If everyone consumed according to North American standards, the Earth would be completely stripped of its resources in short order. We cannot love God if we do not love and treat with reverence the world that God created.

Ultimately, we must remember that with his life and teachings, Jesus contracted dramatically with his surrounding culture. Christians are called to live in similar opposition to the norms and assumptions of their society. Thus, in a culture marked so heavily by acquisition and consumption, following Christ's example means living simply and aspiring for attitude of “enough.”

Dang. Ouch.

So this "Buy Nothing Christmas" concept sounds like such an awesome idea, but it definitely proved to be much more difficult than I anticipated. Because here's the deal: it's super hard (if not, impossible) to convince your friends/family to not spend money on you. Or just to give donations in lieu of gifts. Because apparently that takes the "joy" out of their giving something. Then on the flip side, if I were to not buy actual gifts for friends and family, I'm just the cheap friend/family member or the one who didn't want to make an effort to go find a cool gift. So I had to come up with some alternatives and here are a few that I found:

Making gifts! I have loved getting to do this. Yes, it did require the purchasing of some materials, but I have enjoyed getting to make quite a few of the gifts I'm giving this year. Of course, I didn't think about the potential stress/time factor of making said gifts, but it's so much more fun than dealing with that horrific mall in December.
Ten Thousand Villages - There's a store in Green Hills that sells items from third world countries. They work with artisan groups in more than 38 countries to bring fair trade jewelry, home items, etc. here to sell. Awesome stuff!! And so much more fun to tell someone that their gift was hand-made in Kenya or Guatemala and the money is going straight back to those who made it!

So this was my attempt to be a little more conscious this Christmas...I definitely didn't succeed at "buying nothing", but it proved to be so much more fun!

good stuff...

2008-12-07T09:44:00.000-08:00

Music and books. "These are a few of my favorite things" (that's right...sing it). I have a slight addiction to both, actually. (see 10/6 blog entitled "I have a Problem :)

Anyway, I always get excited when I discover a new song/artist/album or book/author that inspires and encourages me. So I want to share a couple that I've recently discovered (actually, I can't take credit for "discovering" them, because both were given to me).

Anyway, the first is the newest Jeremy Camp album, Speaking Louder Than Before.

I was a huge fan of Jeremy Camp when he first started out, but kinda lost touch with his music for a season. So a friend of mine recently gave me his newest album and I'm loving it. I was reading up on it and what he had to say about it...and that's when I realized why I love it...it's directed toward youth! :) He says,

“I see the hurt, the lack of direction, in this new generation...I always had a passion for youth, but this album is really aimed at them...Some people might think I’m being preachy. I’m not angry; I’m not pointing a finger. Really, my heart is breaking. I’m talking about loving people and serving people...I’m telling my story. I’m pointing that finger at me. If my heart’s not breaking for the lost, I won’t come across the way I need to."

DANG Jeremy...I love it. Check out these lyrics to the title song:

Hear now this Declaration from out across the nation,

we need to wake up and understand.

Many hurting hearts are crying,

but our voices seem to be dying,

can you see this battle raging on?

We are the light to reach this world,

we are the salt preserving these souls.

lets show them all the love that we've received.

We are, we are in desperation.

we need to reach this generation,

we are speaking louder than before.

we are the hope that's been forgotten,

we have a love that has been brought

& we are speaking louder than before.

Take every chance that you can,

move together, taking a stand,

never losing heart, we'll speak as one.

We need to be the image of christ,

to show love and serve at all times.

we can make a difference in this land

Everything's surreal, but this urgency I feel,

we should be reaching out to all these desperate pleas,

the need is real, can't you feel this call to revolution?

My beating heart is breaking for them.

that's why I am speaking up, that's why I am speaking now.

awesome...

My second "discovery" is the book that I'm reading with my small group called "Walking With God" by John Eldredge.

I'll undoubtedly be posting lots of thoughts on this book over the next few weeks. It is challenging me in many ways. It's basically John Eldredge's journal as he walks with God over the course of a year. It's stretching and growing the way I see my relationship with my Father. It's challenging me and encouraging me to walk with God not just in the "big" moments of life and not just in the crises of life, but in the dailyness of life. That's where intimacy happens.

I mean, how small is God if He's just the God of the big moments? I want to walk with Him. More thoughts to come...

Check these babies out...

I Need Africa More Than Africa Needs Me

2008-12-03T13:15:00.000-08:00

So I'm involved with this organization called Mocha Club, that basically is all about connecting communities in the US with communities in Africa. You start out by giving $7 a month (the approximate price of two mochas) and this money goes to the Mocha Club project of your choice. They have many projects going at any given time including HIV, child mothers, orphan care, job creation and education. Mocha Club is kicking off a new campaign called "I Need Africa More Than Africa Needs Me".

So I've been thinking about it a lot. It's something that I was already coming to believe way before this campaign started. For so long, those of us in the west have simply looked at Africa as a place of charity. A place where there is only death and starvation and darkness. The media portrays Africans as victims and as statistics. As numbers and not humans. A people to be pitied. You rarely see their laughter or their smiles.

But there's so much that we don't understand about them. And while there is SOME truth in those previous statements, I have been coming to see and believe that there very well may be more to be pitied about us who live in the west. And there is so much more than just pain and darkness in Africa right now. There is beauty and there is hope and there is redemption. No, I haven't seen it face-to-face (yet), but I have been reading their stories and listening to their conversations. A people who are staring death and suffering in the face but are doing it with strength and courage and faith - a faith that I don't know if I understand or have. But I want it. I want the faith that they have. I want to see and know the God that they see and know.

My best friend, Ashley, lived in Uganda for a year. When she came back I remember her telling me, "Melanie, they believe in a God that is so much bigger than the One we believe in. Their prayers are so big. Their faith is so amazing." I recently got this book called "Hope in the Dark" (amazing book...please buy it). In it, Jena Lee (the executive director of Blood:Water Mission) writes about a conversation she had with a man in Africa:

"We know that Americans pity Africans," he told me. "But sometimes I think Africans pity Americans."

"How so?" I asked him.

"Americans seem to expect that everything will be provided for them. For us," he said, "this ear of corn is a gift from God. This evening's rain is a shower of mercy upon us. This healthy breath is life-giving. And maybe tomorrow we will not have such things, but our hearts are so full from God's provision."

I need Africa. I need to see hope in a dark world. I need to see people in communities that love and care for one another's needs. I need to see people who aren't living under the weight and idolatry of materialism. I need to see people who have TRUE joy and peace, not the counterfeits that many of us in the west have settled for.

I have come to learn in the past few weeks that I have a distorted view of what I "need" as opposed to what I desire. God has been revealing to me that in reality, there is absolutely nothing outside of Him that I need. Seriously, in the end, what else is there? This is not a new concept to me. But He is actually making this real to me for possibly the first time in my life. And it's not that I want there to be nothing I desire that compares to Him; I don't want to desire anything besides Him. I want to be able to say with David, "Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you." (Psalm 73:25). Ah, I wanna be there. I'm not there...but I want to be. And Africa shows me a people who are aware of their deepest need. They love God for God...not because of what He gives, but because of who He is. Their love for Him is pure and their faith in Him is huge. They may not own much, but what they do have is what I want more than anything.

This is why I need Africa more than Africa needs me.

I want to go so badly...I want to connect with them as my brothers and sisters. hmmm....November '09

Home Sweet Home

2008-11-30T17:15:00.000-08:00

I seriously can’t believe Thanksgiving has come and gone…just when I think life can’t fly by faster!

I hadn’t actually been home to Lubbock since February, so I was really anxious to sleep in my old room, see our dog Buddy, and just behold the true beauty that is West Texas. J I always joke about how unappealing West Texas is, but there really is beauty in every area of the country. I can guarantee you that you will never see a sunset like the ones you see in West Texas and there is no better place to look at stars than out in the West Texas country. Plus…it’s home for me. So that’s beautiful in and of itself!

Anyway, the week went by entirely too fast, but I loved every minute of it. Wait, I take that back…there were a few minutes toward the end of the Turkey Trot (the two-mile run that my cousin Ross talked me into doing with our friend Ryan) that I did not enjoy…

It was slightly depressing how much those two miles killed me. But it gave me a little extra freedom when it came to Thanksgiving dinner!

I love my family. I really do. They’re awesome. We have so much fun together…we laugh a lot. And are ridiculous most of the time. I love my relationships with all of my family…I particularly love the relationships that I have with my cousins. They are some of my favorite people in the world. I got to see my cousin, Bobbi Nell, for the first time in a LONG time.

And I finally got to see her new baby, Jayme, who was born in February. She is wonderful. And of course I took tons of pictures of her…to the point of maybe creeping Bobbi out a little (haha). But she’s just so stinkin’ cute! I mean, look at her!

I also got to hang out with my other adorable little cousin (or…I guess “second cousin”), Leah. She’s getting so big…already 3 years old. She’s getting crazy, and I love it. Look at that hair!!!

Thanksgiving dinner was amazing…as always, I felt like I was going to explode when I was done. But what is Thanksgiving if you don’t feel sick at the end of the day, right? My cousin Haley’s boyfriend, Ryan, joined us this year. For some reason, it really hit me this holiday how I am slightly concerned about the possibility of one day trying to bring someone else into my family…we are a...uh...special bunch. It’s definitely going to take a unique person to not think we are all somewhat insane. haha

I also got the chance to hang out with my best friend in the whole wide world, Ashley Adamson. Ashley and I hardly ever get to see each other and our communication throughout the year is quite weak…so it may seem weird that we are best friends. But there’s just this deep, spiritual-level connection that we share that is so rare and doesn't seem to be affected by time or distance. It's totally a God-thing. I am so thankful for her and was so glad to get to spend some quality time with her.

It was also just great to hang with my parents. They are the best. I am increasingly thankful for them. We took some family pictures because mom is actually going to send out photo Xmas cards this year. We hadn’t had a good family picture in a long time, so it was fun. Here are a few of my faves…

Thanksgiving was wonderful. I’m blessed beyond measure…so much more than I deserve.

Now back to the cubicle…ugh